Hello everyone,

First of all, I haven't been on a message board like this since the early 2000s. I appreciate the fact that this message board is here, and I look forward to meeting some people to talk about this amazing thing.

I am in my late 30's, a graduate student, a very high functioning and very miserable alcoholic. When I have started over the past two years (cautiously, carefully) to tell my closest friends that I was struggling with alcoholism, I have again and again been greeted with, "YOU? NO. I don't think you're an alcoholic." A huge reason for this, I've realized, is that a lot of my friends are even worse alcoholics than I am.

My struggle with drinking has been difficult, and embarrassing, and very painful for me. I have had some extremely vicious hangovers, which usually includes migraines and vomiting uncontrollably. I can't explain why I have had such extreme hangovers off amounts of alcohol that most people would have found tolerable. My girlfriend says that it's like Russian Roulette for me: unpredictable and deadly when it happens. I have had such an extreme hangover off literally 1 glass of white wine from a restaurant that resulted in me vomiting the next morning in a public street in my desperate attempt to go buy coconut water from the local health-food store.

I have tried probably 50 times over the past two years to quit drinking and been unable to. I have tried everything. I tried Acamprosate, anti-depressants, A.A. (a few different groups), I've read a dozen books, seen even more documentaries, desperately Googled, and somehow in spite of it all been unable to resist that comforting glass of something at the end of the day. My hangovers have lessened over the past few years as my tolerance has increased. I do not see this as a good sign.

I have been so weak and unable to resist the pull of drinking. A few times -- more than I would like to admit -- I have had a drink or two before class, and I strongly expect (to my shame) that one of my dearest professors suspects I am an alcoholic, even though I am arguably the best student in the department. I have never had a DUI, but at this rate, of course, one figures it's only going to be "one of these days".

I am now on my fifth day of the Sinclair Method. I have read, highlighted, and underlined "The Cure for Alcoholism" cover-to-cover, and it makes a lot of sense to me. I am keeping a diary (well, it is an Excel spreadsheet) and willing to do everything by the book. My heart and soul are ready to quit drinking, even if it means saying goodbye to my special friend who brought me so much comfort and so much pain at the same time. I am pleased to say that -- perhaps this willful thinking, or the placebo effect -- my cravings for alcohol seem to be diminishing. The stuff I used to savour, that quenches that special kind of thirst, is starting to no longer taste quite as good. Today I took my pill, set my timer on my phone for 60 minutes, and had a nice big mug (yeah, mug) of Pinot Noir, and I was surprised and -- ridiculous, I know, disappointed -- to see that my wine tasted absolutely revolting to me. Like, vomit. This is a nice bottle of Francis Coppola Pinot Noir that used to be my favourite wine in the universe, when I could afford it, and I am shocked to have to choke this thing down. It reminds me of when I was 10 years old and snuck a thimble-full of communion wine only to say, "Ewwwww." Weird stuff.

Please offer me any helpful advice or encouragement you can. I am feeling optimistic but also scared that this will not work for me. I believe in the Science behind this method and I am hoping desperately it helps free me from this curse.

Another Scorpio? In any event welcome. This board has a considerable amount of archived material, but as far as current activity it's sorely lacking. As such you might consider crossposting here:

http://optionssavelives.freeforums.net

You also may relate to my own journey:

http://optionssavelives.freeforums.net/thread/190/alcoholic-anonymous-member-seeking-feedback

You're in the right place. This will change your life. _Always_ wait the full hour and _never_ skip a dose. That's the secret. Well, that an mindfulness which you can read about on the other board. Let us know how we can best help and keep us posted!

Scorpio, your reaction tells me that TSM will indeed work for you. You may have an initial decrease, followed by a rebound, but stick with it and that will roll off towards a new lower drinking volume. That up and down action continues throughout TSM, it's more pronounced at the beginning though. Search for "Honeymoon" on this board and you will see many, many stories along this line.

The book also mentions a fairly short timeline, which if you can't drink that much to begin with, might be accurate for you. Most people seem to take 6-12 months to get to the point where they're indifferent towards alcohol.

In any case, I think you've found the vehicle that is going to finally give you some real help in getting this thing under control.

Congratulations on your launch and welcome to the community!

Thank you both for your replies. I will certainly look into this Honeymoon effect. I am reading through the various threads on this message board. All I can say is that I am 100% committed to doing this method the right way. If I don't have the pill in me an hour before, no way am I going to drink. The idea of backsliding is too scary.

I can tell that the method is going to work for me -- I seem to be feel a noticeable change in my mind about my relationship towards alcohol and I'm only on day 5. Even so, there is always the question of "how much" something is going to work. It feels good to let go of the guilt and shame I feel about this addiction (which A.A. seems to thrive on; but shame has only gotten me so far). I'm feeling a lot more hopeful than I have in a long time.

I can already tell that one of the biggest problems a lot of people could face -- hypothetically speaking -- is that they are psychologically unwilling to let go of the alcohol. I have often felt the angst of a long, hard afternoon in the bright light of day, and I've gotten so used to self-medicating that way. I'm going to really try hard to not replace my alcohol addiction with some other substitute (I don't know, shopping?) to fill that void.

People largely seem to fill in that void with more productive/satisfying endeavors, but starting to work on it up front can't help but speed your progress. It seems like you have the right attitude for this, Scorpio. I think you're going to do very well indeed. Do visit the other board when you get a chance, it's fairly lively over there and you're likely to get some good feedback.

Hey scorpio - I'm in a sim. boat. Grad student, binge drinker, just started TSM three days ago. I immediately noticed that naltrexone significantly decreases my incentive to drink beyond a moderate level. On day 1, I sat down with my wife and she was astonished as I nursed one beer over an hour and a half - I just had zero interest beyond that beer. The second day we were at this festive/upscale joint, and I was a little concerned that after the first beer I still wanted a second. However, as I got through the second beer I noticed that 'control' effect, where there was less incentive/interest in continued drinking. Yesterday, I had the same 2-beer experience.

That said, I find naltrexone--as a stand-alone drug, unpleasant enough that I can see avoiding drinking just so I don't have to take the naltrexone! It makes me incredibly drowsy and anhedonic, I just want to sleep. That said, the side-effects of naltrexone are NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS THE RAVAGES OF BINGE DRINKING! So I keep the stuff on me and am resolved to pop one, wait an hour and TSM myself into full remission.

Keep at it bud!

Welcome to the community and congratulations on getting started on TSM, Orpheus!

The initial side effects can last up to a couple of weeks and moving a lot of water through seems to help lessen them. Some get rid of the SE's in just a few days, some are never notice any SE's in the first place.

Most folks do have an initial drop in drinking when starting TSM, but it's very common to see drinking levels rise as the addicted part of the brain fights back in an effort to keep those good-time endorphins coming. As a matter of fact, your drinking levels will go up and down throughout TSM, but it seems to be most pronounced at the beginning. Just stay compliant with taking the pill an hour beforehand and you'll see that your consumption is dropping month by month.

This message board seems to have problems from time to time, so check out the other MAT/TSM community at http://optionssavelives.freeforums.net/ too!

I'll set up an account at options, thanks J6Pck - I may reduce my dose to 25mg, as the naltrexone seems to make me pretty darned drowsy.

Hi Scorpio,

I'm also new here — your story resonated with me, especially the part about not being on a message board since the early aughts . Forgive me for introduce myself within your thread, but it seemed like there were some good people already around.

I'm in my mid-thirties and married (no kids, just cats). I feel like I have this perfect life — a good job that I like, a happy relationship, and friends and family that care about me. My struggle with drinking has also been really painful, especially the immense shame and disappointment in myself. I'm not even sure why I drink as much as I do. There's always been a part of that that's been self-medicating, especially because alcohol works immensely well to slow down and shut off my always-over-thinking brain. I've always drank a decent amount, but for about a decade it was a very consistent amount and this voice inside my brain would always stop me before I would drink too too much.

But in the last year, maybe year and a half, that voice that would stop me has gotten a lot quieter. I started drinking more and stopping less. It started feeling more and more compulsive and less and less fun. I still have fun when I drink, but I also drink just to drink... usually at home and often alone. In fact, that's very much how I prefer to drink, or at least get drunk.

I just got sick of feeling so terrible, depressed and out of control. So I began TSM exactly two weeks ago. It's been interesting so far. The first day felt life changing — just completely different — and I felt so relieved, like maybe there's a path out of this misery after all. But in the past two weeks, there's been ups and downs. Some days, I find that I'll nurse a glass of wine for two hours and others, I still have cravings and binge. I'm trying to be patient with the process and give it time. I didn't get here overnight and it's not all going to magically go away.

I also figured it wouldn't hurt to talk to some people going through the same things — so here I am. Would love to hear about how you're all doing and how things have been going in the past few days.

Welcome to the community, Victoria! Congrats on getting started on TSM!

Binge drinkers are often disappointed about the quantity, but that's just in the nature of the drinking style and most find that at least the blackouts are much fewer and farther between on TSM. I saw a suggestion the other day that perhaps using a BAC meter might help, but keeping a close eye on the drinks per hour and just when it is that you slip out of control mode is important too. Working towards avoiding that zone might be the awareness you need to develop to help you keep from the "off to the races" feeling. Especially if you tend to drink hard liquor, that stuff numbs your frontal lobes so quickly that it trounces any chance at control.