Hi everyone. First post here.

I started TSM 6 days ago after a period of sobriety that lasted 3 years with a couple of hiccups in between. I started drinking as an early teenager to blot out trauma and shyness, and because it felt amazing. There were periods with very little alcohol and periods with LOTS of alcohol over the years, but some time in my late 20's when many of my friends were slowing down their alcohol consumption I realized that I couldn't stop. My whole life just seemed to revolve around alcohol from that point. I was closeted in my drinking. No one knew that I had a problem, not even my mother or husband (who are both social drinkers). They knew I liked to drink, but didn't realize just how much I was suffering inside trying to battle this beast! I was very fortunate that when I became pregnant 3 years ago the urge to drink simply left me. I resumed drinking about a year and a half later, but quickly realized that the problem had returned, that I did indeed still have a problem! With that realization and a baby in my care I made the decision to go sober which was very isolating (as I am sure many of you can attest to!). Now, being the stay at home mom of a young child and isolating myself from situations where alcohol was consumed, places that were triggers was pretty easy, but as my son got older I began to find myself in more and more triggering and frustrating situations. As important as my now 1 year long sobriety was to me I knew I was headed for a relapse and began once again scouring the internet for new books to add to my little "AUD library". When I found and read the book, The Cure for Alcoholism, and watched Claudia's TED Talk I was floored. I immediately the ordered pills from India for $200, afraid that it would take me months to find someone to prescribe me Naltrexone. Something about knowing that the pills were on their way to me tipped me over the edge and I had a few drinks sans medication. I knew I was playing with fire...I was so afraid to be drinking but drinking anyway. Low and behold my PCP hands me a script for Naltrexone long before my Indian pills arrive yay! $200 down the drain, but I didn't care because having that script in my hand felt like I was holding my very own freedom.

6 days in and I am already feeling a bit of a roller coaster of emotions: hope, excitement, fear. Day 1: I had 2 glasses of wine that I had almost no interest in. Drank the second one out of pure habit. I was so relieved that I felt like I didn't want to keep drinking so quickly! But in the next days I progressively got better and better at ignoring the TSM telling me not to drink. I have been drinking at home only and haven't had more than 4 drinks in a sitting (which is typical for me-daily drinker 2-5 drinks, but much more in a social setting). So I am feeling a little nervous about this. I see from this forum and the book that it typically takes much longer than a week to see a decrease in drinking, and this makes sense that its taken me nearly 20 years of drinking to get to this point. However, this out of control feeling like I am "getting my life back" (the life which involved lots and lots of alcohol) has returned. I find myself thinking of plans that I can make that involve drinking again and it frightens me after my near 3 years of sobriety. My goal is to be an occasional social drinker, but I am 100% open to being abstinent if that's what I desire in the months to come. Can anyone relate to this part of their journey with TSM who was also more or less abstinent before beginning the method? Can anyone relate to being super excited to drink again having been abstinent prior to taking Naltrexone?

Thanks!

Hello and welcome, JoMac!

I was a daily drinker that started TSM while still drinking, so I'll let others pop in and comment on what it was like starting while abstinent. There is a Nurse Practitioner over in the UK that detoxes people, then reintroduces them to alcohol per TSM, so it is indeed done. Bardo here also started after abstinence.

"I was very fortunate that when I became pregnant 3 years ago the urge to drink simply left me."

I've heard that quite a few times now and reports from the field indicate that falling progesterone levels may call for a higher dose of Naltrexone.

As far as ignoring your brain when it's told you that it's had enough booze, please rally and do the opposite. Naltrexone will be busy making the addicted un/subconscious part of your brain quieter and that's your opportunity to bring the conscious part in and break up the habitual part of drinking. Check yourself and ask if you really want that next drink. If you do, then take a sip, put it down and get it out of your sight. Get away from your old drinking station, favorite chair, inhaling booze while you're on the phone, etc, etc. If you smoke, don't take your drink outside with you when you light one up. Really look for when the drink starts flying out of the glass, focus on that and bust. it. up.

Are you taking any other meds aside from the Nal?

Hey Joe! Thanks for the welcome and response.

I found the search function on here and began to read some of Bardo's posts and realized that I am most likely caught up in the "alcohol depravation effect". You are dead on about stopping drinking when I can. I need to use the control that the naltrexone is giving me, instead of using it as an excuse to indulge. I guess I had my week of overindulging and now it's time to try to cut back.

Today I poured out what little liquor I had (which is a slippery slope for me) and put the wine in the garage. I am hoping that having the wine further away will help me make a conscious decision to pour or not pour another drink. I also started measuring my drinks for my drink log and that helps considerably.

I do take other meds and a ton of supplements, but not for AUD.

I have some chronic health problems (autoimmune, autonomic dysfunction, chronic fatigue). In other words, the LAST thing my body needs right now is a bunch of alcohol in it, but nevertheless here I am in the hopes that I will be freed from this beast!

Sigh...I want some guarantee that this will work (as I am sure we all do), but know that it's not possible. It's scary as hell to be drinking again and liking it so much, but I know it's worth the risk because without this medication I see many relapses in my future. I need to do everything by the book and try to maximize my chances of success.

One other thing about the medication and side effects: I feel a bit weird on Naltrexone but not nauseated or dizzy, just a bit odd. In the morning, however, I am very nauseated and throw up without fail. Because of this I switched back to 25mgs. Considering everything I will go back up to 50mg the next time I drink. Want to make today AF, and get some good endorphins going on Saturday- bike ride, etc.

Don't rush it, if you get along with 25, give it a week or two till you're feeling stable and bump it to 37.5, then 50.

The reason I asked about meds is that antidepressants can sometimes throw TSM a curve, likewise for benzos. Nothing but anecdotal evidence on that atm.

Conscious pushback against the urge to drink may likely be up and down too and is to be expected, so note your gains and what worked. Don't get trapped in the old paradigm of traditional treatment of berating yourself if you don't have as much luck one day as the next. This is just a straight, clinical "this worked better overall, that didn't work as well" and build on that. Whatever technique helps you produce results is fair game and understand that you're on a bit of a "treasure hunt" here. Just be aware that there are the two sides to this. As Nal is chipping away at the unconscious part of AUD, you can start flexing your conscious muscle and impact things that way too. Generally, let craving be your guide as to whether or not you drink that day and listen for the conscious part of the brain to step in and say "Meh, I really don't care so much about that next drink (or even next sip)". It might be hard to pick it out from the background noise at first.

Getting rid of the chronic drinking and lowering your daily drinking volume is indeed likely to help your meds work as well, so you're totally on the right course. Just remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint and you'll do just fine. Cultivate the patience that comes from knowing that you're going to win.