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Wow, thank you all so much for all the feedback, everyone. I greatly appreciate the detailed analysis of my situation. This seems like a great, caring, articulate community. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I have just been very busy with work, and home renovations (I haven't been on a bender or anything lol).
To detail my case, my alcohol consumption has drastically reduced since I first began TSM, not as much I would like, though. I can't really explain why my urges are so infrequent; I do drink almost every night, but usually it's not very much. Last night, for example, I had three glasses of red wine, over a 5 hour period. On Friday, however, I went out by myself to a local show, and eventually ended up pretty drunk when I got home. When I first started TSM, it was like I just didn't even think about having a drink. I had no cravings, and when I went to pour a shot, I would just think, "Well, I'm just doing this because it's a habit," but I wouldn't really ever crave it. After that I switched to beer, primarily heavy beers, like IPA's, and I could hardly make it through one of those. Since then, though, things have been up and down at times. I will confess that I have not been the strictest about taking it an hour before drinking EVERY time, and I have gone a few times without taking it at all, before a drink. Lately, since 2016 began, I have really tried to be stricter with this, and getting into better shape in general, but I admit, that, from hearing all of the feedback, some of my efforts have fallen short of what I really need to be doing for this method.
A little off topic, but in association with my up and down consumption, I also think it's kind of important to mention that, in the past two years, I have developed some type of minor physical aliment; it feels like I have a ton of pressure in the left side of my chest, and upper regions of my abdomen. I have rare, infrequent, random pains, and I get short of breath. This isn't every day, but it's most and the day's that I do have it, it really really lowers the quality of my life. I can't eat, breathe, enjoy things as simple as watching tv, because I pace around, fixated on the pressure, when it is present. For some reason I keep thinking "If I could just have a couple of drinks and relax, this sensation will go away," which does happen, almost every time, after a drink or two. ...But sometimes that drink or two, does not stop there. I have underwent CT scans, endoscopy's, barium swallows, in just the past few months, to try to figure out what the pressure is from; one radiologist suggested that I had lost too much weight, in too short of a period of time, causing the layer of fat between my small intestines and aorta to disappear, which, he suggested, may be what I am feeling. (I know it goes away from drinking, more than likely, because I'm just numbing it, but spending thousands on procedures, and having these different specialist come to me without a diagnosis, has become frustrating, so I will confess that some of this, this specifically, and drinking to sleep, is self-medicating). ...As I just mentioned, I also drink, sometimes, to help me fall asleep, as I have a very active mind, and Seroquil just doesn't do the trick. This is a major proponent to my actual active day, in addition to the sensation that seems to be present more than it's not. I never get good sleep. I wake up on average 5-6 times a night, and it's restless sleep, when I am out, that are filled with chain-nightmares. I think Trazodone is a good recommendation for me, and I am going to ask my doctor to put me on it, very soon. However, when I was very young (from about age 9-15,16) I was taking Zoloft and Adderall during the day, and Traz at night and it made me really dysfunctional. Every morning was an absolute struggle for my parents to wake me, or for me to get myself up. I would be so groggy that I would fall asleep in the shower, sitting down, fall asleep half way throughout the day, in classes, or whatever, so I have been turned off from it for that reason. Maybe my body has adjusted, and Traz might be a much better solution for me, at this point, though.
I have not read Dr. Eskepa's book yet, although I have downloaded it onto my computer. I will begin reading it tonight, with due diligence. An interesting bit; my psychologist was actually very close friends with Dr. Sinclair, until his fairly recent death; they developed several patents together, including a CO2 inhaler for agoraphobia. I was actually extremely lucky, and honored, to speak with Dr. Sinclair, in my psychologists office, while he was in Finland, where he was residing, and where he passed, from my understanding. I was able to go over my prescription regiment, where he approved everything I was prescribed, including Xanax, for the skeptic on that (I do appreciate that insight, but I take it very rarely), although we breezed by that topic, and moved onto others, where he was extremely interesting and encouraging. A truly remarkable fellow; my Dr., who was such good friends with him, said Dr. Sinclair once went AWOL for a month, only to bring back a 100+ page dissertation on ending the wars in the middle east! May he R.I.P., and may his legacy live on in the many people struggling with alcoholism, and traditional treatment programs.
I am currently taking 50mg of Nal, for those interested. In addition, I take 300mg Wellbutrin daily, and was on the 50 mg of Seroquil for about two weeks now. I read this thread yesterday, and got encouraged with the talk of Trazadone, so I called my Dr yesterday, and he called in a script for me today. I have switched on and off of Vyvanse and Modifinol for ADD related symptoms, but as of late, I have not been taking it, because of the ailment that I mentioned before; my physician and specialists have assured me that it is not heart related, yet we have not done any heart tests, no EKG, no stress test, so I am not entirely convinced. I have an ultrasound on my gallbladder, and a gastro-emptying test? Like where I swallow a camera pill, or something?... coming up, and I'm going to ask the radiologist to take a look at my heart too, with the ultrasound. And if I get a gastro diagnosis from it, I'll know for sure, and will resume taking a medication for my ADD.
Thanks again for the open arms welcome. I hope to be able to get some counseling from this community, and would love to give some back, once I'm on a very clear path, myself! Best Wishes. -Gonzo
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