Hi to everyone,

I just registered here yesterday, have ordered the book and today the Naltrexone from River. I feel really hopeful.

I have been abstinent for 6 months with AA, but I want to drink - EVERY DAY. I have tried everything suggested, it has worked by helping me not to drink, but I feel so miserable. I still have the obsession to drink that I had before I started. I've tried praying, going to meetings every day, calling others in the programme, etc, etc but I feel so fed up I think I'd rather die now than live like this for the rest of my life.

I don't particulary care whether in the end I can moderate succesfully or be totally abstinent, I just want to not think about drinking all the time, so that I can get on and enjoy my life.

I'm not new to abstinence either, in the last 13 years (when I first went to AA), I have had one period of 18 months, two of two years and many of 1 month, 2 months, 3 months. But the craving has always been there and eventually I just thought "AA doesn't work" and picked up again. I'm not slating it though, it works for some people, just not me.

I'm 45 now and have been trying to cut down or stop altogether since I was 32 and realised alcohol was taking over my life and I was constantly thinking about it. But now I have stopped and I am STILL constantly thinking about it. My husband says I'm more miserable now than when I was drinking. My ideal drinking pattern would be to have a couple of glasses of wine with my husband when out for a meal, etc and then stop. If I could acheive this I would be very, very happy.

Will it ruin everything if I drink before the Naltrexone arrives, or should I wait? I've white knuckled it this long, so I can wait if it would make a difference......

Hi Smiley --

Man, reading your story tugged at my heart. I'm 45 also and was around 32 when my drinking was transitioning from weekend binges to full blown addiction. I also was abstinent a few times but never for very long -- I made it a month once. And the whole time I was abstinent I was thinking about how absolutely unhappy my life would be without drinking.

You may not know it, but you have stumbled upon a HIGHLY controversial topic: the issue of whether an abstinent person should try TSM. Any medical professional -- including Dr. Eskapa and Dr. Sinclair -- will argue that if you are "successful with abstinence" then you should stick with it because when alcoholics resume drinking it can be very dangerous. This opinion is probably shared by the majority on this board, many of us who have come close to killing ourselves from drinking and who are entirely aware of the risks.

I, on the other hand, do not share this opinion. I am first and foremost a "quality of life" type person, meaning I'd rather die than live in a state of chronic misery. And to me, the way you describe your "white knuckling", you sound quite miserable. Also, I believe that there are many problem drinkers whose short-term use is not overly risky. There are many of us here who have several drinks daily, but who never drive, who do not engage in other risky behaviors, and who never drink to excessive levels that could cause them immediate harm. I believe that people who fall into this category of low-risk drinking, who are currently "white knuckling it" and are miserably abstinent, owe it to themselves to at least consider TSM. That individual person must do their own careful, thoughtful and honest assessment about the risks of resuming drinking before trying TSM and deciding for themselves what is best.

All of that being said, you should absolutely WAIT until you get the naltrexone before you resume drinking. You've waited this long so you know you can do it. And you will probably find that when you drink on naltrexone that you will have far more control and clarity while drinking and that you are less likely to do stupid things. So, if you have decided you are going to try TSM, you should absolutely WAIT until you get the nal. Then make sure you take the nal one hour before drinking, always, for the rest of your life.

Welcome to the board and keep us posted. There is a lot of useful information here, starting with naltrexone side-effects that you will deal with more comfortably if you know what to expect, like temporary nausea and sleep disturbance.

Take care,

Nick

Nick, thanks for your reply.

I will take your advice and I will definitely wait until the Nal comes before I have a drink.

What you wrote got me thinking about how I used to drink. When drinking I did not drink and drive and was able to control my drinking to the extent that when I started it was safe to do so and I wouldn't drink if I had a commitment or appointment, I'd just wait until I was back home. Its just when I started, I wanted to keep going until I fell asleep (I only started late afternoon or early evening). My kids are now grown up and left home and my husband is so fed up with me moaning about not being able to drink that he has "switched off". He drinks a lot, in fact we used to be drinking buddies and its a problem because I don't want to sit in a bar, watch him drink at home, etc because it starts my cravings off. But once I started AA those years ago, whenever I went back to drinking I felt so guilty and a failure and it seemed to make me drink even more because i'd failed. I also have this problem with AA in that I don't feel I am "powerless", i.e. I still have some sort of control over when I drink, just not the amount.

Thanks again

Nick, I agree with you on this one. I think that doctors and other professionals a pretty much obliged to officially say that abstinent people should not start drinking in order to do TSM. Just imagine the negative press if they did otherwise. And in some cases where long-term abstinence has been successful, both from a health and a quality of life point of view, I think that the person would be better off remaining abstinent.

However, I know many dysfunctional, unhappy, white-knuckling, abstinent people, and since I'm not a health-care professional I can say that I really believe many of these people would be better off if they just got it over with and started drinking again, but in a constructive way. Rather than endure months or years of miserable struggle, only to have a devastating crash in the end (as most do eventually), wouldn't it be better to be making progress toward the only real cure that has been discovered to date?

Once again, just an opinion of a non-health-care-professional, so please no one sue me.

Totally agree FB, the doctors are pretty much handcuffed regarding this issue and even if they really believed "white knucklers" should try TSM, they would never say it, for a lot of reasons, some legal, some not. In much the same way that they can't state what they really think about AA: that it's an unscientific, faith-based cult, sporting a pathetic 95% failure rate. OK, maybe that's me talking -- not them -- but if they did share this opinion you better believe they wouldn't say it.

Smiley, welcome to the board. I agree with the others who posted, try to wait til you get your naltrexone and please do read about the side affects and how to take this drug while you wait. This is a really great group of people, they have become so important to me over the past couple of months. Whatever bad happens in my life I run to this computer to talk it out with this kind and caring individuals. It will be your lifeline if you continue to post and read, while on tsm. Good luck to you and happy you found us!

Thanks LaBear.

Well, unfortunately I drank on Tuesday, couldn't stand the cravings any longer. Got spectacularly drunk. Will this be a setback in using the Sinclair Method? I haven't drunk yesterday or today. Yesterday I felt physically awful and didn't want a drink, but today the cravings were back big time, but I've managed to resist them.

The book arrived today, so I'm busy reading. Still waiting for the naltrexone.

Hi Smiley,

My understanding of TSM is, you've not yet started on TSM yet, since you dont have your pills. Your recent drinking wont affect what will happen to you when you start on your pills. Thats just my opinion and the way I understand it right now.

As an FYI, my pills took 8 days to arrive. During that time, I drank 3 times while waiting... but what made me feel better was the fact that I had ordered my pills and KNEW that I was going to be starting a program that would help me get better.

So in my opinion, your doing great so far, you've done everything you can do up to this point. Drink or no drink, your pills will eventually arrive and you can start on TSM. Feel good about that at the very least.

Please keep us informed, Ive only been on TSM for week now.

Hi Smiley,

Welcome! I wouldn't be concerned about the fact that you drank without waiting for the Nal. I honestly don't see that it will make much difference, and what choice do you have anyhow? My understanding is that the only REALLY dangerous thing to do regarding TSM is to drink without Nal after you've started the program. Just after the Nal has been depleted from your system, you are particularly vulnerable to reinforcing the "positive" effects of drinking as far as your brain thinks. Nal blocks the endorphins, and once it leaves your system, any behavior you do that brings them back (drinking) is reinforced with greater strength than pre-TSM.

But since you haven't started yet, you're just like the rest of us were when we began. I may not understand the science as well as others, but I don't believe being abstinent just prior to starting TSM will make any difference regarding how well it will work for you. Perhaps the Alcohol Deprivation Effect (ADE in the book) will be off the charts at first, but once you start the Nal, you'll be right were the rest of us started. And it IS working for the vast majority of us.

Welcome again, and keep posting. Everyone here cares - we're all rooting for you!

I agree with KK and Hapful: you are no different than the rest of us who were drinking before starting TSM. It will not set you back. As KK accurately points out, the real NO-NO is starting TSM and then drinking without naltrexone. You will be extra susceptible to getting drunk and reinforcing your addiction to an even higher level. So, once you get the nal, ALWAYS TAKE IT ONE HOUR BEFORE DRINKING, FOR LIFE.

Enjoy the book, it's really well written with invaluable information. And don't beat yourself up for drinking before starting naltrexone: drinking when you know you shouldn't defines alcoholism and we all suffer from it here.

Best always,

Nick