I really don’t know were to start, I am new to this message board thing. Let me share a little history. I am 50 years old and have been sober for fourteen years, mostly in AA. I never really thought that I would stay sober forever and I wasn’t really a good AAer. I tried to get sober for years before the last time and had no luck. I think I did it mostly because I had 2 small children and I remember how tuff it was for me with an alcoholic father. In the 14 years I never felt completely comfortable not drinking and had to really white knuckle it more times than I care to remember. I am still uncomfortable in social situations. Lately I really fell like drinking and I stopped going to AA meetings months ago. I don’t know what to do.

Rich -
I think you've come to the right place. You have been sober so long, which is wonderful!! Read, think, decide - before you fall off the wagon, get a Rx for naltrexone. "Just in case"...

Good luck and really - think it through very carefully. If not drinking is a habit now...why start again? Read the book. Listen in here and talk - it's your life and your decision, but get the nal before you do anything.

And welcome!! :-)

Hi Rich, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO THE FORUM- MY WAY OUT

It is composed of many people who are not drinking and or are struggling with the problem as we are here, but we are drinking. Go check out My Way Out. Good Luck![

Rich, I know where you are and it's not a good place. I didn't drink for 13 years and then picked up a glass of wine 8 years ago and never put it down. This is a progressive disease. You really need to think if you want to go back to all of that. All of the advise that is being given to you is good but..... You sound like you are on the brink and as someone who has been in your shoes. DON'T DO IT! I am struggling here and the jury is still out on weather this will work for me or not. I am taking the Naltrexone, on my second week and nothing and I mean nothing has changed. I still crave, drink, get drunk get hangovers and hate myself for it all!
I have tried everything to obstain this time around and it's not working. My marriage and health has gone downhill and I don't know what to do about any of this. PLEASE DON'T END UP WHERE I AM NOW! I had everthing going for me when I picked up that first drink, a great guy, financial independence a great circle of friends. Life was good now that is all gone.

LaBear,

Your letter was so honest and powerful. You are a great asset to this message board.

I truly wish you and the others all the best in this journey.

bb

Rich ,
Please listen here , what Labear says is quite right (although for Labear it's best to go on with tsm now started )
If AA is not for you , explore another avenue like Rational Recovery , definately the best thing I ever saw before going back to drinking and needing this . They encourage a very potent technique that well really strengthen your resolve to remain abstinent . Because right now you are ambivalent which is a very nasty
state . Shall I drink , shan't I ? Put an end to that torment by deciding (not to drink )your firm decision will empower you , then sure it up with the technique at RR . Rational Recovery has a website where there is free access to one part
and a subscription part which is not expensive for a month .
If you choose abstinence take RR if you drink do this . I'd advise the first .

Hi richnyc,

I hear ya. I was sober for 20 years while raising my kids, then decided a little wine cooler now and then wouldn't hurt anything. Fast forward 8 years. . .and I was a two bottle of wine a day drinker - at least. Fortunately, after completing almost 11 weeks on this program, that amount has been reduced by about one third. My boyfriend is drinking about 1/2 what he did, previously.

If you can maintain your sobriety, then you should do so. For me, it was always a matter of time. When my children were young I felt there was really no choice - I was not going to raise them with the atmosphere of alcohol in the home. (My ex-husband was an 'all or nothing' guy, and his 'all' wasn't pretty.) But in the back of my mind I never resolved to NEVER touch another drop. Darn it, I LIKE the stuff!

So I think you should explain how you're feeling to your doctor, and ask him for naltrexone as an 'anti-craving' medication. Don't explain The Sinclair Method, as few practitioners understand or follow the concept. Then, do as elfern suggests, and see if you can find a support group to help you maintain abstinence. BUT - never leave home without a naltrexone in your pocket, 'just in case.'

I'm not sure, but I suspect if you take naltrexone and drink after such a long abstinence, it's possible that you won't experience the steep increase in drinking that you eventually would without it. I know that it took me a couple of years before my drinking levels got unacceptably high again - I wasn't suddenly a hopeless drunk right off the bat. So I wonder if I had taken naltrexone, if it ever would have deteriorated as it did, at all.

Best of luck, and do keep us posted.

Thanks, that post did come from my heart. I went to smart recovery which is supposed to be like RR and signed up for free. They are obstaining and have a chatroom which I entered. I also read some of the posts. The people there are a lot like here but not drinking or trying not to drink without meds. It looked like a good place and someone from here recommeneded it to me so I went. I will return there as I can use all the help I can get at this point. They also have online meetings and meetings in the real world but I didn't get that far. Good luck.

Labear
You know Naltrexone will win in time but until then you need more hope , I understand that . You may well be surprised that some effects could start soon .
I'm sure for myself it had results early on . Even now I 'm bearly at 2 months in
but have no doubt my craving is significantly down , I do not feel that terrible insecurity I got when I started drinking and knew it'd be a big struggle to pull back or stop . A very recent experience, yesterday was that I had only two glasses of wine at lunchtime and that was it . It was not difficult , there was just more a habitual anxiety because so so often this would have been like waving my leg in a lions cage .
You are right that the jury is out but a number of people here are examining some fairly convincing evidence in favour of tsm , behind that there is also the clinical trials
figures in Eskapa's book .
Remember Eskapa did say it was quite fine to make your own efforts at limiting.
From what you said about smart , I thought you might chuck this in ?
Firstly may I ask you how able you feel to in any way limit your consumption ?
Do you feel it's a totally lost cause ? Because although some claim total powerlessness over alcohol and even eskapa mentions this , that is normally a fairly
late development . You're probably like most that manage some control sometimes
and not always . May be you could consider looking at MM (Moderation Management ) or even Hams (harm reduction ) they both stress the importance of having a plan . I think it's absolutely vital that if you continue you gain faith in the very probable truth that you actually do have some control and could martial it in your early period .
( I just checked your early posts and reckon you sure do have control over frequency for a start )
I'm not too keen on will power approach and the word seems to be very assosciated with white knuckling . If you set out with any plan to limit your drinking
always believe that it is actually what you want to do , sure you'll have a desire to drink but up to a point so what you can live with some craving . But for the purposes of tsm don't endure heavy craving . So get the habit of always assessing
how strong the craving is .
There's also the liver aspect , are you soundish down there ?
If you get in fights , well , I would be more encouraged to stay abstinent if it really is a problem .
Weigh all this up ,there could well be good effects for you soon.
I'm really not sure that you're too fond of this but in the meantime please post here
every day someone will speak with you .
Above all please believe you're not powerless .

Thank you for the lovely informative post. My problem is that when I start to drink I can't seem to stop or get to a point before I know it where I am not really able to make a decision and so the binge. I am not giving up yet! I don't understand what you are saying about the liver? I have been drinking for many years so I don't know if I am too far gone for this in spite of the 13 years I obstained, there are still a heck of a lot of years I did not. I have given myself permission to take Naltrexone and drink and so that has become almost daily, which does worry me. If I could only see some progress in any way shape or form it would give me hope. I don't want to go backwards.