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Hi Anna. Welcome!
This is for your husband. Cut and paste it into a document, print it out, and share. (Sorry this got so long!)
Dear spouse of an alcoholic,
You have my sincere sympathy. You and your family have been put through the hell of watching a beloved person commit slow suicide by crawling into a bottle. Their personality has undergone dramatic changes as their life revolves more and more around that damned bottle. You have put up with lying, sneaking, temper outbursts, unpredictable behavior, missed special events. . .the list goes on. This habit has cost you a ton of money, and eroded any respect - and perhaps love - you have felt for that person in the past. They've promised over and over again to quit, only to pick up within a day, or month, or year. Broken promises, broken trust, broken hearts. You wonder where that wonderful person you married IS these days, as he/she is rarely to be seen. You secretly, or not-so-secretly, consider the possibility of divorce. . .but keep hoping against hope that some miracle will come along that will allow you to resume your life with peace, dignity, and love. You desperately hope for restored health, and trust.
Everything you've ever heard or read, all conventional wisdom, regarding the treatment of alcoholism insists that the only possible way for a person to be cured is for them to abstain from drinking, forever. And until now, in spite of an 85+% rate of failure among those who participate in abstinence-based programs, that method has been the only feasible one available. You no doubt know from experience that, when your spouse starts thinking he/she can begin to 'drink moderately,' like others, it will inevitably lead to that painful downhill slide. So you naturally do everything in your power to encourage - force, if necessary - your spouse into total abstinence.
This is totally understandable - even commendable, given past circumstances. But the fact is, abstinence-based programs only work for about 15% of those addicted to alcohol. The remainder are sentenced to a lifetime of white-knuckling it through periods of abstinence, only to fail and put themselves and their loved ones back into the hell of relapse. Every time they relapse, they wonder: Is my life destined to end like this? Every day, they promise themselves they won't take that first drink. And then, something triggers that overwhelming, unconscious urge to drink. . .and they're lost again, feeling totally worthless, morally corrupt, and hopeless. The judgement of friends and family only confirms these convictions. Their response? Deaden the pain of rejection and judgement by drinking more alcohol.
The truth is, most alcoholics can no more quit drinking forever based on 'willpower' than a vigorous, youthful person could swear off sex forever. Sooner or later, under the right tempting circumstances, the biological compulsion or drive will overwhelm even their most deeply held convictions/aspirations. The addict's brain chemisty takes over their conscious will, and demands to be supplied with what it believes it needs in order to survive. The alcoholic is truly a victim of a deadly neurological/biological unbalance that a non-alcoholic can never truly understand. From the outside, looking in, it seems as though the drinker simply doesn't care enough, or have enough strength of will and character, to simply 'say no' to alcohol. What's the big deal, right? But really, who in the world would ever choose this addiction? The alcoholic has lost the freedom to choose.
Fortunately, an esteemed research PhD, Dr. John David Sinclair, started to think 'outside the box' regarding the true underlying causes of alcoholism. Over two decades ago, he moved to Finland to research and study this disease with grants given him by Finland's National Health system. He started his research using rats that had been selectively bred to be prone toward alcoholism. He learned several important things during this time. First, alcohol-prone rats would always prefer to drink alcohol to drinking other liquids, and that compulsion increased over time. Secondly, if he removed the alcohol from them for awhile (forced them to abstain), when it was re-introduced, they were more frantic than ever to consume larger and larger amounts of alcohol. (Abstinence increased their levels of craving.) This was dubbed the 'Alcohol Deprivation Effect,' and helped explain why abstinence-based programs fail so miserably among the majority of heavy drinkers. Were it not the only currently available 'treatment,' it would actually be counter-productive for the majority of alcholics, as the longer they abstain, the greater becomes the urge to drink.
Most importantly, Dr. Sinclair discovered that if he administered a highly safe, easily available, inexpensive drug called Naltrexone to these rats one hour before offering the alcohol, over a period of time the animals were no longer compelled to drink alcohol - like a normal animal, they began to prefer healthy liquids to alcohol. Their brains had become deprogrammed from addictive drinking. This was true with 100% of the rats, in several important studies.
Fortunately, Dr. Sinclair had discovered the underlying principles that drive many addictive behaviors - and it is rooted not in moral or character defect, or psychological problems, as has long been assumed - but in simple brain chemistry that develops as a person genetically at risk becomes habituated to drinking. These findings were duplicated and confirmed in a number of important research studies with humans. He discovered that Naltrexone, when taken in conjunction with continued consumption of alcohol, actually reverses the brain's chemical/neurological pathways to those of a normal, non-addicted person. But therein lays the catch: the drugs only act to cure the brain's addiction if the addictive behavior is practiced regularly in conjunction with the administration of the drug that 'blocks' the addictive pleasure receptors that created the problem in the first place. (This process is called pharmacological extinction.)
To those trained in decades-old conventional treatment modalities, it is tantamount to heresy to suggest that an alcoholic not only can, but must, continue to drink while taking the treatment drug. What's more, it's disconcerting to realize that, during treatment, much of the change taking place is at a cellular level, and the effects won't be apparent for several months' time. In fact, the alcoholic may actually increase their levels of drinking for an extended period of time. . .though generally, after a few weeks, some subtle improvements are noted. While they may not substantially decrease the amount of alcohol consumed, the person's clarity of thinking and behavior while drinking improves, and they regain the ability on occasion to forego that 'just one more.' Subtle changes, but notable. For most of us, blackouts and hangovers became a thing of the past within the first month.
More than 70 clinical trials have demonstrated, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the vast majority of people who take Naltrexone one hour prior to drinking will, over a period of 4-6 months, literally be cured of addictive drinking. They may choose to become moderate drinkers. . .or to abstain altogether. The beauty of this is, they have been given back the ability to choose. Those who choose to moderate have only one rule to follow: they must always take 50mg. of Naltrexone one hour prior to drinking, to avoid becoming re-addicted.
If you truly want your spouse to become the person you married, then you owe it to them to give them a chance to participate in what has become known as The Sinclair Method. This treatment protocol has successfully cured over 10,000 people in Finland. The method proved to be so highly successful that Finland's socialized National Health Services covers Naltrexone as treatment for alcoholics. The cure rate in the studies runs between 78%-82%, and of those who fail, about 10% stop taking the drug - so the cure rate for those who comply completely with the treatment (50mg. Naltrexone one hour prior to drinking), is actually somewhat higher. While abstinence only works for about 15% of alcoholics, The Sinclair Method only fails to cure about that percentage. If you were a gambler, which method would you bet on?
This treatment has not yet made many inroads in the US/UK/Canada, for several reasons. First, the 'abstinence approach' has become as much a religion, as a method for treatment. Those who espouse it have had decades of experience with people for whom this was the only available option. In the past, when an alcoholic began sliding into relapse talk/behavior, it raised a big red flag - and deservedly so. If they relapsed into drinking, they were goners. On their own with booze, they had no way of controlling their ingestion.
Secondly, the rehab industry is just that: an industry. It exists because alcoholics can be counted on to relapse, usually over and over again. There are jobs at stake, and money to be made. If 80% of alcoholics were to leave that system for good. . .what would be the repurcussions? So there is little/no incentive for rehab professionals to seriously investigate the plethora of research evidence that proves, over and over again, that there is now a viable, inexpensive, safe, and easy to obtain cure for this disease. The drug manufacturers also have nothing to gain - which is why clinical trials in this country have been strangled. (Several major universities are currently soliciting private funds to research The Sinclair Method.)
Pharmaceutical companies fund all major research on drug treatments. Naltrexone is now an unpatented product that can be produced cheaply by any drug company - there's no profit motive for them to research it, or advertise the research that has already been done to prove its effectiveness when used in conjunction with alcohol consumption. Rather, they offer the drug as an 'anti-craving' medication, to be used in conjunction with abstinence. . .yet every major study has demonstrated that Naltrexone has NO effect on reducing cravings when used with abstinence-based programs.. Relapse rates do not improve, nor is the alcoholic set free from addictive patterns of behavior. The drug companies, in effect, are promoting an ineffective 'cure,' which will in the long run discredit a drug that is essentially not as profitable for them as other, demonstrably less effective but more profitable, products.
So, as the spouse of an alcoholic, you have an important choice to make. Force your loved one into abstinence (as much as such a thing is possible), or take a risk on a proven, albeit lesser-known, form of treatment. There is much to gain, and very little to lose, by agreeing to cooperate with your loved one as he/she begins to practice The Sinclair Method as a treatment for their alcoholism. Put a big red circle on the calendar, six months out from the date the treatment starts, and agree not to hinder them in any way as they continue to drink while taking Naltrexone one hour prior. When you see improvement, be encouraging. If you observe seeming set-backs, restrain yourself from pointing them out. Practice patience, and express faith in the method. By all means, GET DR. ESKAPA'S BOOK, The Cure for Alcoholism, and read it thoroughly with your spouse. Follow the progress of those of us on this Message Board who are experiencing success. (Though the treatment, as of this writing, is very new to the U.S., several participants on this MB are now free from alcohol dependence.) When your husband or wife expresses fear or doubts, help to dispell them. Your cooperation now could mean the difference between success and failure. An alcoholic in treatment needs all the support they can get - esp. from their husband or wife.
If, six months from now, your spouse is still drinking as they did before, then it will be time to explore another alternative approach. Chances are excellent that, within the first 4 months, 6 at the outside, you'll have entered into a whole new era in your marriage. The alternative? Try to force abstinence, fail, and be back on the same sick merry-go-round all over again, and again. . .
I wish you and your spouse great success.
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