Hi everyone,
I'm just starting out; it's my 10th day on TSM.
My backstory - Cliff Notes version... After 14 years AF, I relapsed in 2005, thus beginning an 8+ year odyssey in and out of sobriety, more out than in, some of it spent in AA, but never feeling like that path rang true; in fact, I feel that AA prescribes relapse if you don't participate 100% in The Program.
Luckily, and despite a habit that grew to 2-3 bottles of wine a day at my worst, I've never had a DUI. 3 years ago, I was rehired by the company from which I had been layed off during the recession, during which time I lost my house, but actually thrived for awhile with the freedom of spending lots of time outdoors and working my own hours doing freelance writing.
Since back in the corp. environment, I have continually taken on more and more responsibility, was promoted several times, and supervised a team of creative writers, but my staff was cut back and projects continually added such that I became a work martyr, the one there at 8 or 9pm when everyone else had long gone home. About 14 months ago, I put myself through a medically supervised outpatient detox/withdrawal, and missed only about a 1/2 day at work. But my life had become 2-dimensional, and though I didn't recognize it at the time, I was white-knuckling my way through other old friends, depression and anxiety.
The Perfect Storm that brought me here started about a month ago when I submitted a letter of resignation due to the stressful, non-supportive work envirnment, which, thankfully, my boss talked me out of. Days later, knowing she needed to boost morale, she had a little 4pm wine party. I didn't drink then, but she shoved a bottle into my hands and I took it home. I had already been thinking about drinking; this just made it more poetic. The next night was Friday and I lit a candle and popped the cork. Sometime the following week, my boyfriend of five years finally admitted that he didn't see marriage or living together in our future. I thought I was fine with it, and had in fact, pretty much reached the same conclusion, but it was still a blow, as our relationship was a major factor in staying in this area for so long and in a work environment well-known for its toxicity and burn-out rate.
My drinking quickly resumed its pace and I was taking wine with me to work. The BF and I had planned a holiday getaway over the 4th of July weekend; poor guy, you know you're in for a grand few days when your girlfriend is crying and talking about rehab at 8am as you're driving out of town, and she's already drinking wine from her coffee travel cup.
The depression kicked in bigtime, and I was unable to do much of anything that weekend; I sent him out fishing by himself while I started researching and talking through tears and clinking glasses with a friend of mine who is very experienced in corporate HR. So I made an appointment with my Dr., the one who sheparded me through detox 14 months ago.
When I saw him on July 9, he asked me how many times had I relapsed in the past 8 years? Maybe a dozen times or more. And this last run of sobriety, 14 months or so, had not really turned my life around in any meaningful way. Or I hadn't.
So he asked if I wanted to try something different and explained TSM. Take a pill and continue drinking? Sign me up! I read
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1937856135The Cure for Alcoholism the next day, and it made so much sense to me.
So here I am. No miracles to report, but I feel hopeful and encouraged. I have had a couple of days way under my normal 2-3 bottles, even leaving a glass half full a time or two. I'm tracking diligently, taking my dosage religiously, and now, taking this step of participating in this forum and looking forward to having the benefit of all you other pioneers. And feeling very grateful that I didn't quit my job; now I'm out instead on a medical leave of absence.
Cheers!
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