Quote:
have been abstinent for 6 months with AA, but I want to drink - EVERY DAY. I have tried everything suggested, it has worked by helping me not to drink, but I feel so miserable. I still have the obsession to drink that I had before I started. I've tried praying, going to meetings every day, calling others in the programme, etc, etc but I feel so fed up I think I'd rather die now than live like this for the rest of my life. I don't particulary care whether in the end I can moderate succesfully or be totally abstinent, I just want to not think about drinking all the time, so that I can get on and enjoy my life. I'm not new to abstinence either, in the last 13 years (when I first went to AA), I have had one period of 18 months, two of two years and many of 1 month, 2 months, 3 months. But the craving has always been there and eventually I just thought "AA doesn't work" and picked up again. I'm not slating it though, it works for some people, just not me.
I'm 45 now and have been trying to cut down or stop altogether since I was 32 and realised alcohol was taking over my life and I was constantly thinking about it. But now I have stopped and I am STILL constantly thinking about it. My husband says I'm more miserable now than when I was drinking. My ideal drinking pattern would be to have a couple of glasses of wine with my husband when out for a meal, etc and then stop. If I could acheive this I would be very, very happy.
Smiley,
Welcome aboard. Your story above and feelings while in AA are almost identical to my experience. My first AA meeting was in June of 1988 when I was 30. I am now 51. I was in and out of AA for 21 years. I managed to stay sober for 5 years one time but I was
MISERABLE ! Mostly, I made a few months or a year and went back out. They say AA is for those who want it - I did not want AA. I didn't want be abstinent for the rest of my life and I did not want to find a higher power. I wanted to be a normal drinker. Because of TSM, I can say proudly and confidently that I am cured and that as long as I take Naltrexone 1 hour before drinking, I will never go back to drinking alcoholically. My wife and I have not been out to dinner in years because I did not want to sit there an watch the other folks drink. I avoided weddings, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and family parties. A few Sunday's ago, I was able to go to my sister's house for a cook-out and have several beers over 4 hours. I was able to stop when I needed to and I did not have to buy more on the way home. It was GREAT.
Keep it up with TSM and you will get where to want to be.
UNITS CRAVINGS DESIRE AF DAYS
PRE- 02/2006 100-200 10 10 0 ====> Began AA for the 15th time
PRE -TSM 50 - 150 10 10 0 ====> I was heading back to my old ways
WEEK UNITS Cravings AF DAYS
1 44 5 2
2 40 5 2
3 40 5 3
4 31 5 4
5 20 2 5
6 33 1 2
7 44 1 3
8 45 1 3
9 33 1 4
10 52 1 1
11 33 1 3
12 37 2 3
13 20 2 4
14 17 1 5
15 15 0 4
16 10 0 5 =========> on vacation. ten bars within walking distance
17 6 0 6 =========> on vacation for 4 of the 7 days
CURED WK 17
Naltrexone + Drinking = CURERegards,
Tom
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