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 Post subject: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 2:03 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 12:57 pm
Posts: 133
Hi all, I am so relieved to discover this site. I finally admitted to my husband that I have a drinking problem, an issue I've been avoiding facing for a long time. He has been on my case forever...and while inside I knew he was right, I was afraid to admit it to him. Well, last week I finally did and I showed him the info about naltrexone. He seemed supportive at first and he was very lovey dovey with me, very sweet. I think the whole thing of me having to drink while on this medicine has soured him, though. He wants me to just go to rehab, stop drinking, and be done with it. He just doesn't get it. Now he's calling all these rehab places and threatening to leave me if I don't do something, take our 3 yr old (I also have triplets from a previous marriage) and make it very unpleasant for me. I am printing out the info for spouses on this board (thank you for that eloqunetly written post, Goin4More) and I hope he will be more supportive after reading it. However, I know waiting around for months till I get "cured" is not going to go over well with him. I have been to AA (on my own, didn't tell him) and found it to be very depressing. It's not for me. I am very high functioning and I only drink at night (wine), probably about 4-5 glasses. When I don't drink, I don't have physical withdrawal symptoms or anything like that, I just get the cravings. My dad and great grandfather both had drinking problems so I guess I inherited the gene. I don't think he realizes that whatever route an alcohol addicted person takes, it's no overnight success. It's not like you can just throw out the bottle and say "I'm done." (But wouldn't that be nice?) Well, maybe some people can do that (my husband's dad did), but I can't see me having that much willpower! I started taking nal at the end of April -- haven't really noticed a whole lot except for actually forgetting to buy wine a couple times.
Thank you all for your support and good luck on your own journeys. Would love to hear from people for whom SM has worked!


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 Post subject: Re: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 2:48 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 12:57 pm
Posts: 133
Thanks, waiting. I have followed Springrider's posts and he is very inspiring. I even printed one out for my husband and he did read it. I have the book but so far I haven't been able to get my husband to read it.


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 Post subject: Re: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 5:58 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 6:26 pm
Posts: 62
Location: Southern California
Welcome hoping4better, I'm so glad you found us!

This path leads to a cure!

_________________
Pre-SM: 150+ units/Craving 10+

Wk/Units/Craving
1: ...85 ......3
2: ...125 ....9
3: underway


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 Post subject: Re: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2009 8:41 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:10 pm
Posts: 316
Location: Chicago, IL
Hi Hoping - I'm glad you made it over here from MWO...

Very tough situation with your husband but it sounds like you are doing all the right things with him. We have similar drinking patterns - I was a 3-4 glasses of wine a night person. The only thing that I think helped my husband understand was my explaining that I think this treatment will help me get rid of the cravings permanently...before I could stop for periods but then I would go straight back to the old patterns if I had 1 drink at a party. The beast was always waiting there to rear it's ugly head and I think that would be true whether you went to AA or to an expensive rehab. You could stop but you would alwasy be one drink away from slipping back into your old patterns. With this treatment, however, that ugly beast's head has been put to sleep... I don't have to worry about slipping back into old patterns if I have a drink or two. That is the key.

I'm definitely not cured yet, just moving in the right direction for once. But I know it's working.

I wish you all the best...come back here for support whenever you need it. Lots of good people here who understand what you are going through.


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 Post subject: Re: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2009 9:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 12:57 pm
Posts: 133
Hi happy, I'll try your suggestion. Sometimes I think the nal is working, othertimes I wonder if I'm just one of the resistant ones. I have days when I hardly crave wine, but then I'll have some that I do. I'm trying to give myself the 3-4 months the book says you need....sometimes it's hard and I wonder if I'll be in that nal-resistant 15%. Thank you so much.


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 Post subject: Re: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2009 3:24 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 6:00 pm
Posts: 10
Hi there! Sorry about your non-supportive husband. I knew mine wouldn't be supportive so I just didn't say anything to him. But, my husband likes to drink. He doesn't care if I drink or not. I just know that the day will come when I want to be sober so I can have my grand children sleep over or something of that nature.

I've been reading the book and if my husband knew what I was doing I would have him read it too. Maybe that's what you could do with yours. They need to understand the time frame.

I wish you the best in your recovery,

_________________
Mira
Pre: 45-50
Wk 1: 39 units (6)
Wk 2: 40 units (6)
Wk 3: 36 units (5)
Wk 4: 44 units (7)
Wk 5: 34 units (6)
Wk 6: 31 units (5)
Wk 7: 38 units (7)
Wk 8:


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 Post subject: Re: New to Nal, husband not supportive
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 7:44 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:27 pm
Posts: 729
Location: New York State
Hi h4b,

When hubby starts to bully and threaten you, just cover your ears (mentally), and go "La-la-la-lah, I can't hear you!" That's only fair, as it seems he's certainly not listening to you.

While it's commendable that you recognize you have a problem, what you're describing here - 4-5 glasses of wine at a sitting, only at night - would certainly not give your husband legal recourse as regards custody of your children. He's bullying you. . .and you don't have to put up with it. The problem with us alkies is that whenever people use our addiction as an accusation against us, we feel as though we deserve it, and put up with all sorts of rude and unacceptable behavior from others as a result. We beat ourselves up, and then let others beat us up for good measure.

You have chosen to take a very wise course, and one that will work for you (so long as you always take your naltrexone one hour b/4 drinking). The fact that you have a family history of alcoholism is a very positive sign that TSM will cure your addiction. (Family history is an important hallmark among the majority of those who succeed with TSM.) While it may be several months b/4 you see a large decrease in the amount you drink, you will probably note other positive changes right from the first couple of weeks. If your husband is observing, he will as well. Alcohol won't affect you as much. You won't do stupid things, slur your speech, have blackouts - or any of the other stuff that comes along with heavy drinking. Never mind the weekly units for awhile - just concentrate on all the other positives.

And if hubby gives you a hard time, stand up for yourself. That alone might surprise him into shutting his yap and giving you a chance to make this work!

Triplets? Oh me, oh my. No wonder you drink at the end of the day! :D (I was a twin. . .)


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