Any responses are greaty appreciated!! Thanks for reading this!

I've taken 25mg of Naltrexone the past three nights. I am undecided about whether or not I want to stay on the program. Frankly, I'm just really really scared of potential long term side effects in regards to hapiness, pleasure and pain management....I really never do anything without researching it to death, and I feel like I might have jumped in too soon. However, I'm not totally sure I want to stop. And if I do stop, I may do more research and then try again at some point in the future.

I'm currently taking 15mg of adderall 2 x a day and xanax as needed. I actually take the adderall because it seems to help prevent anxiety for some reason - i know for others it is the opposite (In the past I took adderall, then when I decided to stop, had some anxiety problems and depression after a while - not immediate or anything - so I started the adderall again in an effort to focus my mind and be less anxious) Well, the adderall helps and I think it also hurts, and I feel like I might want to taper off the adderall totally by using supplements that supposedly work in similar ways. Maybe accupuncture also....

Also, I hardly ever every take xanax, and when I do, I take a half of the lowest possible dose. I feel like the anxiety is linked to depression, and sometimes I think the depression is directly from the alcohol. (as homer says: Alcohol! the cause of, and solution to all of lifes problems!)

I feel like adding the naltrexone into the mix is premature. I want to be OFF of any and all drugs, thats my goal. And I want to drink in moderation (nice little fantasy I have isn't it?) I want to enjoy life! Go for a bike ride and have fun! Walk my dogs without thinking, "whats the point of this?" LAUGH and feel happy! I'm just thinking I need a serious detox from EVERYTHING. Get off the adderall and see how I'm doing at that point. Maybe the adderall is winding me up too much and making me want to drink more.

The only time in recent history that I haven't had a strong desire to drink is when I've taken the xanax for anxiety earlier in the day. I've thought about just having a detox from alcohol while using the xanax to help with the first few days....I just wish I could understand all this talk about upregulation...I really don't get it....I'm scared that if I just stop drinking, I'll always be left with a desperately craving brain!

My question is, what will happen if I try to drink without the Naltrexone at this point? (Or at any point in the future) I kind of had the idea that I could take naltrexone for a while until the addiction is "extinguished" and then drink occasionally (as I did when I started) without the Nal so I could enjoy it again. Then I suppose if I felt like I was enjoying it too often, start taking the Nal again. I don't know.....


As an experiment recently I smoked three cigarettes at a moment when I really wanted to drink. It was 6pm. I was really angry and I said screw it! I'm getting a pack of cigarettes! (I quit 6 years ago using a nicotine inhaler) Well, they made me feel really "high"-ish...just kinda loopy. But they didn't make me HAPPY, like they used to. For 6 years I have been wanting a cigarette in the back of my mind....and quitting directly led me to drinking heavily. However, know I realize, I am not addicted to it anymore. I can smoke, and it won't make me happy because my body isn't addicted. (I know it certainly will be if I continued though!) So, I guess what I'm wondering is, if you STOP drinking by gradually decreasing, wouldn't you eventually have the same effect? I don't want my brain cells to be screaming for a drink for the rest of eternity and me having to deal with it "one day at a time"....I guess alcohol and nicotine are two different creatures, but for me, I replaced nicotine with alcohol, so they can't be that much different. I know that I could replace alcohol with something, but I just don't know what.

Anyway, sorry for the rant and ramble....This all just feels like a big puzzle that I am desperately trying to find all the pieces to!

I would advise you to stay on the nal, personally. The beauty of TSM (and as early as 3 months in, I am seeing its results) is that it rewires your brain so you can drink like a "normal" person. You won't have to live "one day at a time" fighting cravings - you won't HAVE cravings. You might not get the crazy endorphin rush from alcohol that you used to, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to enjoy a drink or two. And no, nothing bad will happen immediately if you drink without nal after being cured. But if you KEEP doing it, you risk rewiring your brain and getting addicted again (that's what I understand, anyways.) If you drink NOW without nal, you will likely overdo it and immediately slide back into old patterns.
I hear you about wanting to be off all the meds, I really do. (In addition to an antidepressant, and birth control, I have to take two different medications for a GI problem and sometimes it makes me feel like a really old person to tack nal on top of that and be taking 5 pills a day!). You may be right that the adderall is causing you to drink more. It maybe that you have an undertreated anxiety problem that is leading you to drink more.
It sounds to me like you have major doubts about TSM - and it also sounds to me like perhaps you are not ready to change. I do not mean this in a hostile way at all - I simply mean that perhaps your drinking has not become problematic enough that you are willing to do ANYTHING to change it. Lord knows I was proposed nal by my doctor 2.5 years ago and I was scared as **** of it and ultimately decided it was not for me, even though I was ostensibly wanting to cut down. This time around...it wasn't a question. If it was my current behaviour, or AA, or nal....well it was obvious what I was going to pick.
Try to think long and hard about where you're at and where you want to be. Only you can make the right decision for yourself at this time.