Long story short, I started drinking in my early teens and was full-blown alcoholic before I even hit the legal drinking age.

Ten years later, after many lost opportunities, many lost loves, a whole lot of pain and blackouts, I started the Sinclair method. I quit drinking when I was pregnant, but had PPD after my son was born, and spiraled back into dangerous drinking a few months postpartum.

TSM worked wonders. I did it religiously, and I found myself with zero cravings after four months. I'm Asian--I've read somewhere that we are more responsive to nal.

Slowly, I started drinking here and there without the nal. After a few drinks, I definitely noticed a difference. That made me think "What's the big deal if I drink a glass of wine without nal just this once?" I think that was the beginning of my reversal. I notice the endorphin rush. And as everyone says, I spiraled back into unhealthy drinking after a few months of drinking without nal, when my husband had frequently seabound job--think alaskan fisherman-- for a year long contract and I was alone. Being alone is a huge drinking trigger. I went from totally cured to driving while drunk, caring for my son while drunk, the whole shebang.

Here's where I am now: The alone trigger is gone because my husband doesn't have that job anymore. I do not have everyday cravings for alcohol the way that I did pre-TSM, but I've continued to drink without the pill. My trigger during my relapse--being alone--has been eliminated since my husband got a land-based job. In a social setting with other people, I have no desire to drink more than half a drink or so. It is what I imagine a normal drinker feels like.

The reason for this is that when I was taking nal every day to extinguish my cravings, the side effects of nal went away with a week or so of continued use. But now that it is occasional--the side effects are horrendous. If I choose to drink, I know if I take the pill first I will have slight nausea and a headache and not feel quite right the next day. When I was completely addicted, this was a small price to pay. Now that I have control over my cravings, it seems like an excessive penalty for an action that results in no problems (half a drink or so with no further cravings). But despite my feelings, I know I am undoing my progress, otherwise I wouldn't be in this forum right now.

The reason I am posting is because my husband left on a business trip, and I felt the urge to drink too much from my trigger--being alone. I did not take the pill first because I didn't want to experience the horrible side effects. I have drank too much, much more than I do in social settings, felt too awesome, and I know that this is not a pattern I want to continue.

I know that not taking the nal has really reversed my progress. And yet, I hesitate to take the nal because I don't like my normally rare and moderate drinking to result in such unpleasant side effects. I think I am broken. I want to have my cake (be free from addiction) and eat it too (have the benefits of drinking without the side effects). Really, I know the answer is to "take a nal before you drink" but at my current levels of drinking half a drink once a week (except for my trigger), it causes bad side effects that make me not want to take it, especially when the consequences are not there. That is, when I drink in 99.9% of my life it's harmless drinking. When I hit my trigger of being alone, I go crazy.

Would the answer be to consciously up my intake of alcohol in solo settings so that I take nal several days in a row and thus decrease the side effects of the pill, and then continue the program? That's the only solution I can think of right now. I just don't know how I would explain it to my husband, whom I've been lying to and telling him I've been taking my pill every single time I drink for the last year. I know if will only get worse if I don't do something now.

I feel like in order to re-extinguish, I need to drink enough to overcome the temporary side effects. Then my body will be used to nal and I will stick to it every time I drink.

I am so lost. Please someone help. I would take nal every time I drink but it feels so horrible the next day. Maybe I need someone to convince me that the morning after feeling is much worse than the morning after feeling of drinking to a blackout stage and possibly endangering my child.

Wow, nice writing. You must have gone to some good schools!
Anyhoo, yes, it seems you're in a bit of a pickle. I can't see how there's a physiological explanation for bad side effects now when you didn't have them before. I assume you got the pills from the same place and they're the same pill.
You seem to be basically at a crossroads of free will -- you obviously don't HAVE to drink when your husband is away, nor do you HAVE to have your 1/2 drink. It seems the logical thing to do would be to lower your dose and start drinking more frequently in the presence of your husband. I know when I'm out of town on business, I make it point to call during my "drunk hours," as a way to force myself to not drink so much so that I don't slur (I suppose if you're tech savvy, you could skype your husband around 10:00 PM which would accomplish the same deterrent effect as if he were there).

I know one of the anti-TSM arguments is that "Alcoholics will never take the pill because they like the way alcohol makes them feel." What you are experiencing is a good example of that argument. But, if you choose to give up the buzz for the benefits of sobriety, at least you know what freedom feels like and you know that Naltrexone works for you.

There is always Hope and I am confident you will find something that works for you. As someone who has stopped and started this method a few times because of the side effects and the rush, let me explain my plan of action. What I am doing that is different this time is slowly titrating up and taking the Nal even on AF days with hopes of relieving the side effects. I know the book says to only Nal on drinking days, but I need to diminish the SE's and don't want to drink just for the sake of extinction. Perhaps I'll try just a bit when I am on a so called AF day. The way I see it is it is that I have lost the "privilege" of drinking for the rush, ie driving while intoxicated and just overdoing it far toomany times.

You'll get plenty advice here, so take what you need, and find something that HOPEFULLY works for you. Take care, keek

LTR, I'm in the same situation as you. Once I got in control, only drinking 1-2 drinks on the weekends, and because I got the same side effects as you, I stopped taking nal, thinking why take it when it makes me feel so bad and I'm in control. Well the bad spiral started and I came back to TSM. I can't tame this disease without nal. So I started taking nal before every drinking session, along with advil and Tums. If I'm going to drink, I take nal and suffer SEs and maintain control. If I don't take nal I will suffer much much worse from alcohol and bad decisions, etc.

I've been in wine country for a week, wine every night one hour after nal. The SE have gone away and my drinking is in control. Going home I will not drink every day so SEs will most likely come back but I will accept that over out of control drinking and the inevitable consequenses of that.

Good luck. Stay in touch.

Hi,

I just wanted to ask what do you mean 'endagering your child'? I mean are you drunk on the floor not beeing able to look after him? Or justr slightly tipsy? I am on TSM , but not doing it right i think., so i still drink every day and often a bottle of wine... But i go through it over 4 hours or so..I have two children and am a single mum and i don't really think i am endagering them as i will always stop at a point when i am enough in control to be able to do whatever they need..

I think maybe you are being too hard on your self.

But then i am hard on myself too and constabtly feel guilty for not being able to just stop drinking or stop after a glass...

Good luck!