Thanks very much for the replies and support , it really helps .
I was very despondent last night what with the low mood and the emptyness of everything . I ended the evening binging on sweet stuff . I also had a whiskey, probably only a half one and a half pizza , probably a two thirds one ! but what joe was saying about mindful drinking and the changing of habit once the chase is gone , i think i can see that , the two issues . i got the whiskey , had to actually ask my local pub friend for one , he kindly delivered to my front door in a small wine bottle ! .. but by that stage it was 2 hour s later and i was tucked up , sulk s and all and was no longer interested in it really , just drank half ..
sweating again this morning but feeling more determined to forge ahead .
i think the job is going to be working out how to manage myself not drinking ... the other craves and drives that popped up last night , running me , controlling my choices , it s an unnerving experience

i really really really want to be free of this drug .
I m finding this forum tremendously informative and supportive
i watched an American panel show that ' wolfie ' posted a link to . Not sure of the name s but no doubt i ll get familiar with them . the discussion was about brain chemistry in addiction and talk was on dopamine receptor and dendrites and memory processes and i was scared and depressed watching it . thinking to myself ,right , i put away the booze and how do i get any pleasure then seeing as how ive destroyed my innate pathways for neurohormone production . Welcome to Numb Land Rosekid
such catastrophosizing!

Thanks for advice re running , i do love it and i love outside . i like to garden and i sometimes cry when im running in the rain i get so joyous , its very beautiful in Ireland . i d hate to lose my joy . i used to love painting and writing and would like to get back to these if its not too late . somehow at present i dont have the heart , id much rather sit here and drink .. as mary gautier sings so well .
i have meditated on and off over the years and i think a renewed practice at this has led to my current decision to get off the alcohol one way or another which has led me after various attempts to selincro
i also do some yoga .i find , like joe says that delaying the drinking ,changing the routine can help but the problem at present is that because i m an everyday drinker , Everything when i come in at 6 right down to the glass . the armchair , the smell of the toast , the cheese all is so bloody full of promise .. so seductive so certainly promising to hit the spot that even though one part of me knows full well in 30 mins that dream is in tatters another part of me takes over the steering wheel and rams ahead to the daily fix/swizz

i think you are right maggie ,not to worry too much about af days yet . i was getting agitated thinking i needed to . i m impatient and impulsive enough to want my own ' cure ' in three months , i m very afriad i ll lose heart and stop . a year sounds a long time . then i tell myself well all the years is along time too rosie ..
thanks again i pick myself up and start the next day .

I think you've got a good attitude for it, Rosekid. And yes, keep up your end of the bargain (The Golden Rule) and the AF days will come find you.

Your observation about the numbness is a good one, it's the prefrontal area that's going to be jumping in with that, so as Selincro slices away at the craving, be listening for your brain to pipe up and say "enough for tonight", it may be faint at first and some days will be better than others.

Keep on posting, we're very glad you came to share your journey with us!

By the way, can you repost that link of Wolfie's or point me to where he posted it? I think I cleanly missed that and it sounds very interesting.

Rosie - I understand the sweet stuff - my dad was an alcoholic and when he tried quitting he would INHALE the CDM! Sorry about the low mood but this will work for you! Faith and patience! And the way I looked at it when I was trawling through my year was 'I have to keep going as there is no alternative!'. The year will pass quickly - and you did not get where you are in a short time so we cannot expect it to be sorted in a short time - just my opinion.

I too used to meditate and do yoga - but did not like to meditate when I had been drinking for various reasons. I have been starting it again although it has taken me a while to get used to the not drinking - quite weird really. I am from Devon and imagine that Ireland is similar - yes?

Hang in there and keep posting .....

hugs, Maggie

realising that this process may take time and I need to settle into it and apply myself with patience and fortitude . its going to take some work on my part , i can see that . its not just pop a pill and the cure rolls up ..

If there are other new people , I would recommend reading the 'cure list ' thread . I found it very heartening espcecially after i had spent the first week on the forum reading through peoples threads as they started on tsm and I think i got upset with all the sad histories and it began to seem like a litany of tracking that kept remaining in double figures after even double figure months on a tablet .
however , im more settled today . I feel I have to forge ahead with this system anyway. One thing tracking has done is make me honest up to my actual intake . I have been noting daily alcohol intake for a few years now in my personal diary . However its clear I have been dumbing down the figures , fibbing even to myself . So if i drank more than half a bottle of wine i just didnt enter that day and totally disregarded the amount of whiskey i topped up with , instead merely noting ' wine and whiskey ' on those days .
so now honest tracking with a measuring glass .

I read the tips piece JOANNA put on the c 3 site and she points out that one needs to take selincro 2 hours ahead of drinking this i have found for myself to be true .. i need to take 2-3 hours for absorption .

came home last eve . had big glass , 2 units of wine . fell asleep . dragged myself to yoga in misery but stuck it out and had one whiskey when i came home

feeling hopeful this morning . have a dinner date this eve so will take selincro well ahead .

thanks

Good deal, Rosekid.

Social situations can yield high drinking numbers, so it's a good opportunity to be mindful, pace yourself and have water in between drinks. Not so much to get to a new low number, but to steer clear of the high numbers.

That being said, enjoy your evening out!

hi. just posting to let people know how things are going 2 weeks into the the method .
firstly , im more determined to sort out the alcohol . i WILL NOT be controlled by this stuff . I have made up my mind to be free of it and I would like to get to the situation that I am quite averse to it . I went through a day or two of being very worried about the world being devoid of selincro and what would i do if after say 30 years of abstinence i suddenly wanted a drink and had no tablet ? silly over thinking stuff like that .. then i settled . If i get to not drinking and being alcohol free , i can happily continue my life with a box of unused tablets in my bag ( or even one tablet around my neck ) .
this week the dinner date got rescheduled to next week
a daughter came home last night , i had a glass of wine and some whiskey then switched to cocoa . i felt very content although i m keen now to stop the whiskey .

even before starting selincro , perhaps over past year , i have been finding myself not interested in more than 2 glasses of wine , always with food , after which i couldnt be bothered but would 'fancy ' a short .
i think now this might be something to do with tolerance ,that i was preferring the ' harder hit ' from the whiskey . not sure

any how , i think id be better if i didnt buy any more whiskey . so that s my next move .. although i know im gonna finish out the third of a bottle i have left !

i got some sugar substitute to use in the cocoa , not the ideal perhaps but i dont want to put up weight . no futher binges on sweets . lost a few pounds but that was effort not selincro

the sweating seems to have stopped and im unaware of any side effects from the tablet these days

my experience of running has returned to previous . now that i feel my usual self i can compare and what i felt was a bit dissociated . like my feet were not connected to my heart . I say heart rather than head because thats exactly what it felt like . i was very aware of my feet slapping the ground but i couldnt feel anything . I also think , looking back that my whole mood for that first week was numbed which was why i felt awful . this might help someone in their first week .. to know that the general mood can be weird .

i also read the thread on success stories . very helpful i m keeping a diary and trying to be mindful . i read ' The Naked Mind ' i think Bardo recommended it ?? Reading this reminded me that i read Allan Carrs book a few years ago , which reminded me I ve been unhappy about this drug for some time! for some reason , this time , something is clicking and i m seeing alcohol as the trickster and myself as gearing up to do serious battle with this imposter who is no friend of mine . im a pretty determined person so hopefully my annoyance and revulsion and sheer rage at being so maltreated and duped by this pretend friend , false ally , snake in the camp , will increase along with an ability to outwit it .

the evening tells all . we shall see this very evening

daily tally at present : 5 units per day , 2 in wine 3 in whiskey .

thanks again to all contributors to the forum on various threads and good luck to everyone this weekend .

Oh Rosekid - your post sounds so positive! I read the Alan Carr book too - and actually stopped with it for a few months! But of course started again. I laughed at you not buying any more whiskey but finishing what you had! You really are sounding good.....keep posting!

Hugs, Maggie

keep it up Rosekid! you're off to a good start. just keep chugging along and things will get better. sounds like you are thoughtful and your heart is in it.

Keep it up Rosekid.