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 Post subject: Re: Concerned spouse...feeling discouraged
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2015 4:46 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2014 5:02 am
Posts: 241
Hate to say it, but it's the truth: Get out. Take the kids. These "Concerned Spouse" threads are never candidates for happy endings. Why? Because the alcoholic didn't find his or her way here on their own. Only they can do it. Your help alone will barely budge the needle and is a loosing cause that will result in a great deal of pain for you, and (as those of us who had alcoholic parents) a great deal more pain for kids. Run.

But: If you won't run: Try to get him for treatment or a Doctor where he can get a shot of Vivitrol. Then you won't have to worry about pill compliance for 30 days, and if you can get a 2nd shot, -60. The only deal you make if you stay is he always takes Nal (and he'll need a booster if he is drinking 24/7) every day and you administer it. You never trust him to take it on his own. And for that reason, don't worry about what he drinks for now. You won't be able to effect it much anyway. If you can get through 4 months of Vivitrol and/or Nal, then we can talk about other stuff. But that's your first hurdle. Four months of complete compliance. Every day. Supervised by you.

I doubt it will work, but I wish you luck if you try.

_________________
Began: March 2014
Cured: August 2014


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 Post subject: Re: Concerned spouse...feeling discouraged
PostPosted: Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:22 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:35 pm
Posts: 1429
Wow! I can say that I felt like you were talking about my childhood and then a boyfriend I lived with. And now where am I? I realize I have a problem and got the help. What everyone is saying hit home and I know (god how I know) it is hard to see while your in the muck of it.

My mom use to play games with us to see if we could be quiet until my dad walked into the room, and if he was in one of those "moods" we had to go to our rooms and hide! To this day I can feel the tension in a room, or someones feelings of hostility. It was awful growing up like that. I knew nothing but anger, rage and hurt. My dad didn't know how to love himself, so I know he didn't know how to love me. He and my mom did survive and where married until my dads death (his diabetes was not in control because of drinking and had a massive heart attack). My dad did get counseling but only after my mom left and said she wasn't coming back until he got help. He did, but the drinking still remained.

As I grew up seeing my mom help others like my dad, so I had rose colored glasses on, and lived with someone that needed my help. It took me years to realize that if someone needs help they will get it. I can help them along, but I could not live with someone that needs that much help. I wasn't healthy enough to help someone. I did get counseling for that, but now here I am in the same boat as my dad. I didn't let myself get as bad, but I was headed there. Al is a slippery slope if someone is addicted in your family. Please believe me when I say it will and does effect your children. You might see a little now, but what about the future? Would you want your son or daughter be attracted to someone with an addiction? Or worse? It frightens me every day when I see my adult children drink for I didn't give them a good role model; however, my husband did. He has never drank, gotten drunk, nor has the desire to! He hates the smell and thinks it's a waste of brain cells. I feel your pain and wish you and your children the best. And you are right when you think he is trying to manipulate you...he is afraid of being alone!


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 Post subject: Re: Concerned spouse...feeling discouraged
PostPosted: Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:43 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:35 pm
Posts: 1429
One thing I wanted to add about my brother and sisters. My brother and one sister married alcoholics they both got divorced and remarried, but now they both drink too much. My other sister never really cared to drink and married a nice man that never drank but a beer or two during a game; however, my sister became addicted to pain pills and overdosed. Do I think our childhood shaped our future? I am not sure, but I believe it did have quite an impact. I do wish you well and peace of mind.

Jaba


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