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 Post subject: Re: Dumped alcoholic boyfriend, desperately want to help him.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 2:59 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 5:36 pm
Posts: 383
Location: USA
melissa1928 wrote:
It's virtually impossible to change other people....


Yup, all you can do is share time, emotions and experiences.


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 Post subject: Re: Dumped alcoholic boyfriend, desperately want to help him.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 7:40 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:12 am
Posts: 10
I was really worried about him. He said he thinks he should go into the hospital. I'm not sure why he said that, but maybe to seek more treatment. I reached out to his sister because I was afraid of him harming himself. He decided to spend Christmas alone, but said he was okay. He said I need to let him deal with his drinking on his own terms, whatever that means. I'm not worried about him harming himself now, but I have no idea what's going on. He seems to think we can just patch things up like nothing happened. I'm meeting with him tomorrow to get some closure since he is still thinking we are just gonna get back together. I realized I do still love him, but am not ready to be his girlfriend again, or if I will ever be. He needs to hear me out and know exactly how I feel right now. If there is ever a chance for us it is months away because I need to be alone and heal and so does he.


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 Post subject: Re: Dumped alcoholic boyfriend, desperately want to help him.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 3:49 pm 
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Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:57 pm
Posts: 897
He may just be doing some hard thinking. That would be good, right?

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 Post subject: Re: Dumped alcoholic boyfriend, desperately want to help him.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 11:40 am 
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Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 6:52 am
Posts: 1003
Location: England
I think you should concentrate on your own recovery and let him sort himself out.

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Naltrexone Started 20th April 2011

Cravings eliminated Sept 2011
Now fully in control, alcohol no longer bothers me. Chose to go AF from 22nd July 2013.
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 Post subject: Re: Dumped alcoholic boyfriend, desperately want to help him.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 1:26 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:12 am
Posts: 10
Our talk was good. He is looking into finding a new counselor and is considering the information I gave him about TSM. We did not get back together. He definitely wanted to, but I remained firm about keeping some distance until he is in control again.


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 Post subject: Re: Dumped alcoholic boyfriend, desperately want to help him.
PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 7:59 am 
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Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2014 5:02 am
Posts: 242
Put me in the "move on with your life and forget about him" camp. By doing so, you will help yourself, and indirectly help him.

I say indirectly because he is not ready yet to get well. Only he can make that decision, and if and when he makes it, it will be because the bad outweighs the good. You're leaving just puts a little more bad onto his scale. When (if?) will the scale tip? Who knows. You've played the only part you can play, which is to put some bad onto his scale. It's up to him now. No matter what you think, there is nothing more you can do. If you go back, then you shift your part from the bad part of the scale to the good ("I can't be that bad, she came back...").

Good luck.

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Began: March 2014
Cured: August 2014


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