*
It is currently Mon May 28, 2018 2:03 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 27 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:43 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun May 06, 2012 6:27 pm
Posts: 8
My so is 6 months into the SM - doesn't follow any plan except that he does take naltraxone once a day.

He never has AF days and is so different when he drinks- I am exhausted from dealing with him.

I am ready to give up.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 11:30 am 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:43 pm
Posts: 153
Sunnyj , i know this is hard to swollow but this addiction is not easy to beat. give him a bit more time. have a talk to him( when he is sober) to TRY to cut back a few drinks a night. if he cant, try to give him a few month.i know where he is comming from im finishing month 4 and still afraid to try a af day. anyway what your doing (hanging in there) shows you have a great heart.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 12:10 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:02 pm
Posts: 166
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Sorry to hear this....my partner eventually gave up on me....but I needed her so very much. When she left my drinking got worse...and I suffered through a number of embarrassing experiences (bad behaviour) that finally motivated me to seek out more help...and then I found the BOOK -- The Cure for Alcoholism -- and got started on the Sinclair Method with the Naltrexone. Two months in, my drinking is down about 30 %...no more hangovers and no more bad behaviour...and no more beautiful partner :( Too little, too late for me.....

That said, have you noticed any change in your partners drinking? Is he drinking less? Take a look at the "Cured" section here. Many did not experience a significant change in their drinking until many more than 6 months...some a year, a year and a half...then boom---significant change and total freedom shortly after. (See Katie's Progress in the Active Topics section here).

Have you thought about attending "Al-Anon"? It is a support group specifically for family members of alcoholics.

You can gain a little strength in your relationship if you make sure that you are not "enabling" his drinking. For example, don't pick up or pay for his booze. If he complains, that's your opportunity to express how tired you are getting with the ordeal. He'll get the message. Is he a member of this forum? If not, ask him to join....because you need to see that he is really serious....because YOU are having very serious doubts! Al-Anon talks about all of this sort of thing.

Good luck to you...let us know how its going. We are here to help. (((((hugs))))))

_________________
Started TSM: July 24, 2012. Quit TSM in March 2013. Kept drinking back up to pre-TSM levels.
Restarted July 3, 2015.
Pre-TSM: Average of 80 units/week, 0 AF/days
Craving:5.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 9:41 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:54 pm
Posts: 536
Location: Oregon, USA
Sunnyj wrote:
My so is 6 months into the SM - doesn't follow any plan except that he does take naltraxone once a day.

He never has AF days and is so different when he drinks- I am exhausted from dealing with him.

I am ready to give up.


Keep your chin up. It is not uncommon at all to go 9-12 months before seeing success. Also, keep in mind that you may not notice any real tangible results until towards the end of the journey when your units drop into the 20s. My opinion always has been that 30 units/week is somewhat of a threshold for hang-overs. Typically once you drop below 30units/week, you stop having hang overs and/or they are greatly minimized. This is when most people start feeling like they are close to a cure.

Q

_________________
Started TSM: February 2009 Cured: August 2009

Restart TSM: July 2012 (65 units/week)

Weekly Progress:
Units: 45, 41, 44, 53, 42, 45, 41, 42, 40, 48, 39, 27, 12, 30, 45, 35, 45, 50, 48, 50, 35, 46, 44, 56, 52, 45


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:56 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:29 am
Posts: 420
Hi SunnyJ and welcome!

I read your other post where you said that he drinks all day, starting in the morning. Dr. Eskapa says in his book that all-day drinkers should take 2 tablets. The half-life for Naltrexone is 4 to 6 hours, this means that after 4 to 6 hours the tablet is only half as effective as it was when he first took it, as is the case with all medication.

He needs to take his first Nal 1 hour before his 1st drink and then, depending on his drinking pattern, he needs to figure out when to take the 2nd one. If he is taking his 1st Nal with his first drink, it's not the correct way, and if he is drinking over 12 to 18 hours, then he is not covered. You can download The Cure for Alcoholism from Amazon.com, you first need to download the Kindle App which is free.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Cure-Alcoholi ... 1933771550

As the others have said, TSM can be a slow process, the longer and harder a person has been abusing alcohol, the longer and harder it is to regain control. But if he is not doing TSM properly, which, from what you've written, it sounds like he isn't, he could go on forever as he is and he would see little to no improvement.

TSM works for most people, the most common reason it doesn't work is non compliance- not doing the method properly; not taking Nal 1 hour before the 1st drink, this is the Golden Rule.

Another good thing to do would be to count the number of drinks he has per day, this might be difficult depending on what he drinks, beer bottles or cans are easier to count than glasses of vodka or whisky etc.., so probably counting bottles per week might give him a guide to how much he is actually consuming, this might have the advantage of jolting him a bit, I think we were all shocked to learn how much we were really drinking when we started counting units properly.

Another helpful thing to do is to eat real food regularly, by 'real' food I mean, any meat, fish, poultry, dairy and eggs as well as fruit, vegetables, salads and nuts. Avoid processed foods and flour based carbs. Many alcoholics have blood sugar problems, this means they are sensitive to the sugar ('sugar' in the broad sense of the term, not literally sugar we put in our coffee) in certain foods, so when they eat these types of foods, their blood sugar spikes but then it crashes a few hours later causing cravings for more of the same food and alcohol, creating a roller coaster of spikes and crashes. Eating real food, especially protein maintains constant blood sugar levels and avoids cravings. He doesn't have to eat big meals, small snacks every few hours are fine, a chicken drumstick, veg sticks dipped in hummus, a couple of hard boiled eggy with mayo, a bowl of nuts, a few slices of cold meats (though not processed salamis) etc...

Just out of curiosity, what brand of Nal is he using? Where is he getting it from?

Finally, you need to look after yourself too. We can't look after other people if we don't look after ourselves first. And remember that while you can bring the horse to the water, you can't make him drink it, there is, sadly, a limit to what you can do to help him, he has to help himself.

Good luck.

curi

_________________
Pre TSM 50u/w Started 24/06/11
50mg 12-16-19-24
25mg 28-17-18-15-13-10-7
25/12.5mg 8-7-8-6-6-10-6
12.5mg 6-5-4-etc
2-3u/session 2-3/week since Sept 2011


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 7:06 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun May 06, 2012 6:27 pm
Posts: 8
Hi and thank you for all the encouragement. This is a lonely journey.

Dr. Eskapa wrote to me saying it could take nine months - and to remember that he should take the nal one hour before drinking - not, two hours, not 30 minutes. I forwarded Dr. Eskapa's email to him but don't know whether it had any impact.

His brand is nodict. Our doctor suggested he take campral and nal but he is not interested.

His drinking has increased over the past month since I first posted. He lies about what he drinks - I believe he is drinking over a fifth a day. He has little tricks he thinks I don't notice and I really wish I didn't. He drinks when he works and clients have noticed. He thinks the alcohol doesn't affect his performance.

I read Dr. Eskapa's book - shared it with him. He has no interest in tracking his consumption and is defensive if I mention or suggest that maybe following some suggestions in the book might help. His therapist had him develop a treatment plan but he just ignores it and skips therapy most of the time or stops drinking for the morning of therapy and then stops at the liquor store on his way home.

I have been to Al-anon and it certainly helps me understand what is my crap (and I have a lot of it - Mother Theresa I am not) and that what comes out of his mouth is the alcohol talking not the supremely decent man I love.

All that being said - the demands of my life don't stop and there is NO SUPPORT in alanon or in therapy for someone who loves someone who is trying to heal with the Sinclair Method.

My friends think I should throw him out, my therapist questions me why I want him in my life and my children like him but HATE the stress and isolation his drinking creates.

Tonight he is pretty wasted, I am exhausted and sad.

I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I so wish there were naltrexone support groups. At alanon my sense is they are secretly delighted he is drinking too much.

Thank you all for listening to me whine - it helps to have an outlet.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:06 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:02 pm
Posts: 166
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Oh wow... :cry:

At least he is taking the Nal. That's the least that I am doing as well. But, I am tracking my units, because I really want to quit drinking and be free. Support groups for TSM would be wonderful....in the meantime, you have US.

Does your hubby WANT to stop drinking? Sounds like NO. Do you have any idea why? Every drunk knows why they drink...but getting it out of them can be difficult or impossible.

It's clear you and your children love him. Perhaps you need to read him the riot-act!? Get on the bandwagon, or else....

He will chose one of the two options. The choice he makes will show you exactly where he's at. One will delight you, the other might devastate you, but at least you will BOTH know the truth. Truth, full disclosure, is the only path to peace and freedom.

Hope this helps.
Take care...we are here for you now.

_________________
Started TSM: July 24, 2012. Quit TSM in March 2013. Kept drinking back up to pre-TSM levels.
Restarted July 3, 2015.
Pre-TSM: Average of 80 units/week, 0 AF/days
Craving:5.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 7:43 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:04 pm
Posts: 26
Six months in is when I started to feel less attracted to alcohol, so it takes different amounts of time for different folks. It takes a long time to get addicted, and especially for those who've been drinking most of their lives, it takes a while to get unhitched from it. In this case, I think good things do indeed happen for those who wait.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:04 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 6:52 am
Posts: 1003
Location: England
Do you actually know he is taking the Nal?

I also believe you need to want to work with the Nal for TSM to be successful, there does come a point where if you want to give up you realise TSM is helping and you can decide to refuse drinks but if someone is pig headed about it I'd guess they might not realise this point, and thus not make that active effort.

At least he's taking it though.

Sure 1 hour is the recommended, best timing but I did start by taking my dose earlier just because I didn't know if I could wait the hour out and didn't want to risk drinking without it. It still worked for me.

_________________
Naltrexone Started 20th April 2011

Cravings eliminated Sept 2011
Now fully in control, alcohol no longer bothers me. Chose to go AF from 22nd July 2013.
TSM set me free


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Very discouraged - SO 6 months into SM
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:14 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 5:39 pm
Posts: 309
I agree with Dab's comment that he has to want to reduce or stop his drinking....It has to come from w/in. He has to want it. And (if you are prepared for the consequences), read him the riot act (as Dab puts it). My husband confronting me is what got me to take my drinking problem more seriously. I grew up w/ an alcoholic and know first hand what stress it can cause. Unless he wants to work on his drinking problem there isn't much you can do but look after yourself and your children and do whatever you can to not enable him.

Wishing you well.

_________________
Gotthegene

Started TSM Aug 2012. Had some success but over time the Nal SEs were so awful that stopped taking Nal. Managed a 30 day (Sept 2012) and 46 day (Feb/Mar 2013) AF period which also contributed to getting drinking under control.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 27 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group