I feel for you..."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" pretty much sums it up. I think the reason you don't read a lot of posts from spouses here is b/c there aren't a lot of spouses involved in our tsm journeys. The Sinclair Method is not well known nor promoted in the mainstream medical community. We're at the cutting edge trying to find a cure for our addictions. As a result, I expect many spouses may not be too supportive. Many of us don't even tell our spouses we're trying this in case it does not work. It's only when someone is cured (and the cured thread is pretty inspiriational) that someone might share this w/ their spouse.

I personally have a fair bit of faith in tsm b/c I've experienced how Naltrexone hinders my enjoyment of alcohol. I've also been doing more reading about baclofen and think that is a route worth exploring if the Naltrexone isn't working. I do believe however that the "patient" has to be completely on board and must really want to cure him/herself from addiction. It won't work w/ a half-baked effort.

I truly hope your situation improves.

You are in a difficult situation. It sounds like you want his sobriety a lot more than he does and that he might just be trying to keep the peace with you by SORT-OF going along with you....I wonder if he realizes that if he keeps this up that he will be SORT-OF alone eventually? Most alky's (like me) don't really care what anybody other than themselves think. That's why most lose everyone and everything before they, using AA's parlance, "Hit (their) bottom". For most, that's what has to happen. Very few get out before. Those who do are the ones who really, truly want to quit drinking. That's who I am, and thank God to the Nal, after almost 4 months I am now taking alcohol-free days (like today) almost effortlessly.

I hope things get better for you my dear....

You take care. (((((((hugs)))))))))

It has been a long while.

I asked my SO to move out for a month. His drinking and lack of commitment to any kind of routine was making me unbearably anxious. He refused to give me a separation so I asked him to move out - gave him a month. He moved into another room of the house - moved out and far away about 5 weeks later.

Hardest month of my life. He was in pain and so was I.

I believe in the Sinclair Method - he was cutting pills in half because of money issues. I believe he wants to recover. There is precious little support for him or me. I still love him - hope he loves himself enough to get well. We spent this past weekend together. Separating healed the anxiety and opened up room for love and understanding. He is in a very hard place but was open and forgiving and respectful of my needs. We had a wonderful couple days.


In the meantime there is a candle in my window - I hope he gets back on track. I am working on me, my need for discipline and boundaries in my personal life. I hope I get back on track so we can be together and healthy for each other.

Thank you for listening.

Thanks for posting Sunny. I hope that things get better for both of you.

Sunny,

I just got caught up on your postings. I'm sorry your husbands journey has been so difficult for him and especially you. In regards to other SO's not commenting here, I am not sure why. I brought my wife to this website before I ordered my Nal, and sent her a link twice again, per her request. However, she has told me that she has never got around to logging in to read/post.

I have learned in my 10 weeks here, that there many husbands on this website with so much in common, we almost sound like a broken record. It took me about 25 years of drinking to get to the point where I want out enough to try quitting or TSM. I hope for the best for you and that your husband comes around to realize how much you care for him.

Does he read any of the stories about any of us fellow alcoholics on this journey?

I am going to post from the other side of the fence.

I have been at odds with my wife about my drinking for a long time, the more she bugged me the more I wanted to drink to kill the guilt. Deep down I knew it was hurting her, but I just could not stop b/c I love my drink too much. I also did not think it effected my work or that I was as bad as she kept on saying I was, I always just thought she was over reacting. (To tell you the truth, I still think she was/is, but I do concede that I probably am a little problematic when I drink in excess. Also she worries about my health and for good reason).

My advise,
I think you should sit down with him and explain your feelings again (I say again, b/c I am guessing you have already tried this) when he is drinking. The big thing for me was when I started TSM, I consulted my wife and I said I wanted to continue drinking, but would she be fine with it if TSM was to enable me to drink less in a sitting. She agreed that she would not mind if I drank every day if the amount was was in reason. That was a big step for me, as I did not/don't want to quit. I am guessing that you want him to stop drinking where as that will, IMO make him want to drink even more (Not to hurt you, but as I explained before to stop the guilt). Try the approach that you don't mind him drinking every day, but that you want him to follow TSM the way it is supposed to be followed. You are going to need his co-operation to get this to work. You said he was sneaking drinks, this is a big sign that he does not want you to know what he is drinking (I did the same). But the moment my wife said she does not mind how much I drink as long as I followed TSM to the letter, everything came out into the open, no more sneaking and no more nagging from the wife (A big stress relief in its self). I don't know if this is going to work for me, but at least I am giving it a fair try by following the guidelines.

Anyway, that is my 0.2 cents.

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