Unrealistic Expectations?

UKblonde · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2015 3:06 am

Squash wrote:

My husband has completed 3 months and 2 weeks of TSM. From the very first week, Nal allowed him to cut his consumption from 110 units per week down to 50 on average and his AF days from 1 day per week up to 2 days on average. I was was encouraged by this!

Three months later, the charting shows no additional progress. He is still at 50 units and 2 AF days per week, the same drinking level as in week 1.

I reread the book thinking I was misremembering something and expecting too much, but time after time, it says most people who are compliant with the program see their levels dip down to 15 units per week followed by 9 units per week within 4 months. For a few stragglers, it can take 9-10 months.

I have seen a very slight increase in overall consumption in the last 2 weeks, but nothing concerning.

I'm curious if any of your drinking charts found something similar. Is this as good as it gets for him? Are these typical results for someone for whom the program takes 9-10 months? Should he be seeing additional progress? Is this evidence that he needs to attack the psychological and habit portions of this addiction because the pharmacological extinction has done what it could?

Am I being naive and not seeing something here? He is diligent in taking his Nal as far as I am aware. The prescribing doctor is several hours away, so he has not been back since the first visit. (That is going to be my next suggestion to him unless I get other advice from you.) I'm open to hearing the good, bad, and ugly and any advice you might have.

- The Still Supportive Wife

Hi Squash

Firstly the fact that he's down to 50% of previous drinking is a great sign, and easy to forget the progress already made.

3-4 months is a very short time and the book is misleading in that fact.

Most people on here took 6-12 months to find total cure.

I was considered a fastish responder, yet I didn't feel cured until the 6 months point.

You are however correct in that he also need to make some changes, lifestyle changes, find other things to do, actively cut back on drinking himself, but he's only just at that point - to do that any earlier would have been, in my opinion rushing things.

Tish · **Joined:** Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:42 pm **Posts:** 42

Hi there, I understand your concerns and hope your partner keeps at this. Have you asked him about things other than the actual units - for example - how much time is he spending thinking about drink? For me, I used to spend so much time consumed by thinking about drink it was utterly distracting to my life. Very soon after starting TSM this just began to drop, so while I was still drinking daily, the bits of the day when I was not drinking were free from booze - previously even when I was sober I was still obsessed by drink. Obviously this is not visible from the outside but it was one of the ways I know for certain that TSM was working for me, even when my unit progression stalled, which it did do, and even went up sometimes my mental process was still improving, behind the scenes. I hope this helps.

Tish.

Squash · **Joined:** Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:37 pm **Posts:** 7

Maggie1929 wrote:

Hi Squash - I think the main thing that I do not like when a non drinker says anything is that they have no idea what it is like to have this addiction - the old adage about walking a mile in my shoes comes to mind. My mum always used to make me feel so guilty about the drinking - if I did or didn't! If I went to stay with her she would make a point of saying 'why don't you have a drink?' and basically if I did or didn't drink, it was wrong in her eyes - I think it is so hard for a non drinker to understand and it pretty much boils down to the point that I do not want her to say anything about it ! I have recently told her about TSM and also when I was having some measure of success a couple of weeks ago, did tell her about that and she was pleased for me - so that is good, but otherwise I really do not want her to say anything !

Ahhhhhh, I can only imagine the difficulties of navigating things with your mom. Mother/daughter relationships are hard enough without moms projecting their hardships onto our lives. I'm so happy to hear that she's is pleased with you working TSM. So many family members do not have a positive reaction! Big hugs for you!

Squash · **Joined:** Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:37 pm **Posts:** 7

Tish wrote:

Hi there, I understand your concerns and hope your partner keeps at this. Have you asked him about things other than the actual units - for example - how much time is he spending thinking about drink? For me, I used to spend so much time consumed by thinking about drink it was utterly distracting to my life. Very soon after starting TSM this just began to drop, so while I was still drinking daily, the bits of the day when I was not drinking were free from booze - previously even when I was sober I was still obsessed by drink. Obviously this is not visible from the outside but it was one of the ways I know for certain that TSM was working for me, even when my unit progression stalled, which it did do, and even went up sometimes my mental process was still improving, behind the scenes. I hope this helps.

Tish.

Thank you for this advice, Tish. I was getting caught up in the numbers. Since you posted, I've been asking more appropriate questions when he's offering up an update. "How are you feeling? How are the craving levels? Does it bother you when I...?" It has really helped our communication and made him feel less like a petri dish specimen.

Squash · **Joined:** Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:37 pm **Posts:** 7

Thank you all for allowing me the time to thoughtfully process your feedback. I appreciate it more than you can know.

My gut tells me he's quit Nal. I just can't shake the feeling. I did finally confront him about it and asked if he was religiously taking a pill every single time. Just asking risked me alienating him further and having him think I don't have faith in him, but I did it anyway. He assures me he's taking a pill every time and that it's working.

That leaves me with two options. I can either ignore my intuition, take him at his word, and give this more time. Or, I can become the crazy pill counter. Decisions, decisions. I have no idea which way I'm going to go.

I so wish I had a magic wand to wave and cure every addiction in the world. I know firsthand how miserable it is to love an addict, and I can only imagine how hard it is to be one and to have to fight so hard. Sending love and prayers to all of you, and I'll report back soon.

Guapo · **Joined:** Fri May 09, 2014 10:08 am **Posts:** 438

Squash wrote:

Thank you all for allowing me the time to thoughtfully process your feedback. I appreciate it more than you can know.

My gut tells me he's quit Nal. I just can't shake the feeling. I did finally confront him about it and asked if he was religiously taking a pill every single time. Just asking risked me alienating him further and having him think I don't have faith in him, but I did it anyway. He assures me he's taking a pill every time and that it's working.

That leaves me with two options. I can either ignore my intuition, take him at his word, and give this more time. Or, I can become the crazy pill counter. Decisions, decisions. I have no idea which way I'm going to go.

I so wish I had a magic wand to wave and cure every addiction in the world. I know firsthand how miserable it is to love an addict, and I can only imagine how hard it is to be one and to have to fight so hard. Sending love and prayers to all of you, and I'll report back soon.

1. Only he can make the decision to do this. That he is sharing it with you is certainly good. In my case, my wife and I both went to a referee counselor, and that was very helpful in keeping me honest and assessing whether progress was actually occurring.

2. There is a notion afoot, that naltrexone will just get you better after time, almost by magic!
Following people on here, reveals that to be absolutely untrue. What will work, is to quit drinking so much alcohol, find alternative activities, and understand that ultimately, alcohol taken to excess is the worst possible thing a person can do to oneself

Consider mindfulness, moderation strategies, not drinking daily, spacing drinks, limiting drinks etc. etc. etc.

The goal is to quit drinking excessively,. Answer. Quit drinking excessively.

jaba · **Joined:** Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:35 pm **Posts:** 1426

Squash,

I feel for you and I know what you are going through. I am assuming that this was his decision to do TSM, and he wasn't threatened or coerced. I am all so assuming that he is tired of being drunk, waking up hungover, sick, or still drunk, and that he truly desires to kick this once and for all, if so relax. I know that it is easier said than done, but have you read Generics thread I reposted. I lived with someone like that, and if Generic can kick this addiction anyone can, but it took Generic a little over a year to kick it. It sounds like your husband has the desire, and if his drinking is still below pre-nal. he is taking it. I could not imagine trying to drink without the nal. for I always loved that first drink and couldn't stop after that. Right now he is chasing something that is not going to come, that "ha" moment of that first drink, once he realizes and accepts that moment is never going to come and he has a couple of nal. overs (worse than any hangover) he will be working on trying to figure out what will work for him (cutting down on the amount, taking af days, lowering the % of the alcohol). I know you have already asked him about taking the pill and felt awful about that, but taking the pill is only half of the equation the other half is waiting that hour. I truly believe he is taking that pill, otherwise I think things would be worse (uncontrollable drinking from morning to night). Please keep us informed for we really do care,

Jaba

Unrealistic Expectations?

Who is online