It’s about time that Clarion got around to a Cured List entry. It is, I think, normal for most folks who get cured to run away as quickly as they can, as any one would who managed to escape from Hell. I almost did that myself. But I had a mini-relapse and some down-time from minor surgery that brought me back to this board, and I shall now endeavor to do the right thing for all those who follow.

Lets start with: “What’s Cured Mean Anyway?”. To me cured means one can take or leave alcohol with as much indifference as one would a can of Coke. Cured means that one would not have to avoid certain “trigger” situations, wouldn't have to count drinks, or worry in any way about alcohol. One can live the life he or she chooses, and alcohol will have no role to play in the living of that life.

Through the Sinclair Method I achieved this state, and so consider myself cured. So long as I follow the Golden Rule for the rest of my life and always take NAL before consuming any alcohol, I will remain cured. As we shall see as this posting progresses, should I disregard the Golden Rule, I will return in a matter of days (and certainly not more than a few weeks) to my previous wretched, alcoholic, self. A small price to pay, that little pill, for all the pain, suffering, and horror it has rid from my life. I am grateful, not burdened, by my knowledge of my dependence on that pill.

My cure happened rather quickly. In my first month (March 2014) I observed encouraging signs, and around the 3 month mark I began believing that it was going to work and I was gaining good (and unheard of) control. Around month 4 or 5 I was free. For me, it was effortless. Or it least, so it seems in retrospect. Take the pill, drink as you normally would. That was all. At 6 months max, I lost all interest in alcohol. I read the book in it’s entirety, and I was a text book example of how TSM works.

Now, you skeptics probably think I wasn’t really an alcoholic. I didn’t drink like you do. That would be incorrect. I started drinking as a teenager, and beginning at 18 I never had a day without multiple drinks until 2013, a span of 34 years of hard-core everyday heavy drinking. Every year my consumption (as you would expect) increased. I had long known that I had a big problem. But I could not face doing anything about it.

I went to one AA meeting. It was a horrible experience and I never returned. One time when I was typically suffering from a hangover and reading the morning paper I read an article about how our State’s addictive services had been revamped. Addicts, it stated, had all to frequently slipped through the cracks and the system had failed most. Beginning today it read, a new system was in place with just one phone number. Place one call, and the rest would be taken care of seamlessly, efficiently, and with great compassion. With trembling hands and moist eyes I called the number. The answering party was completely unaware of this new system and/or services. I told them it was on the front page of today’s paper. Silence. Put on hold. Run around. Finally the woman, in a gruff voice, asked me: “Well, do you want to go into the hospital or not?”. She never asked me a single question. My age or my consumption, for instance. Hospital?!!. I hung up.

In 2013 I began mornings after heavy drinking to have a very bad pain on my right side, deep inside. It felt ominous. It also seemed logical to assume it was alcohol related, cirrhosis or some such. Being the devious clever sneaks we alcoholics become, I was always careful to schedule my annual physicals/blood work for a Thursday or Friday, when my alcohol levels would be at their lowest, and I’d be extra careful with my drinking on the day or two before. My Doctor never mentioned anything when he would get the results except that everything was okay. I am certain if I ever had blood work done on a Monday that would not be the case.

But in 2013 the nurse called to say that everything was not okay with the results. They’d like me to repeat the blood work again in 2 months. I pretended to be surprised and asked her what the concern was. She read me the numbers and after I hung up I googled them. Excessive alcohol consumption was the normal culprit with such readings I learned. I felt safe in ruling out any other causes, naturally.

My two previous attempts at outside help having failed, I settled on a new strategy, which was to try and moderate my drinking as best I could by counting drinks, setting limits, and avoiding all trigger situations that would cause me to exceed my limits. The goal was to avoid going completely off the cliff alcoholically until I died of natural causes. I was 53. The thought of a life without alcohol was unbearable/inconceivable. Thinking logically, I’d made it as an alcoholic for 30+ years, another 20 didn’t seem beyond the realm of possible.

So I got really, really serious about moderating my drinking. And (of course) I failed, -utterly. Life was beginning to lose it’s luster. I wasn’t getting any younger, which meant the hangovers and lost productivity were getting worse and worse. It’s a lot easier to be a drunk in your 20s than in your 50s…

Then one morning, an hour after I got to work, the pain in my side erupted. Pain like I had never known. I knew instantly pain like this needed the emergency room. I called my wife (who fortunately was home) and told her I was leaving work to come back, and she would need to take me to the emergency room. I barely made the drive back home.

It turned out to be a kidney stone. A first for me. Alcohol related? Who knows. But it was a very big scare. Upon being released I was given Vicodin for the pain. That night, and the next 2, I did not have a drink for the 1st time in some 34 years, so scared was I. Of course, I did take the Vicodin, so not exactly cold turkey. I was so proud of my alcohol free days! Why, this scare was exactly what I needed! From now on, -no more drinking!

But on day 4 I was right back to drinking, as you could easily guess Dear Reader.

But these frightening events did lead me to more soul searching and research, which in turn led me to discover The Sinclair Method. Now when I recall these events, and my prior life, it is difficult to believe they actually transpired, and that I was in such a sorry state. But I was.

I bought and read the book. Then I brought the book in to my regular Doctor, confessed to my addiction, and produced a copy of the letter for one’s Physician from the book. My Doc seemed a bit skeptical and left the office to do a few minutes research. He then returned with a prescription for Naltrexone. Of course, he told me not to drink while taking it, but we both understood that I would. A month’s supply cost me $36 at Walmart. My journey had begun.

I didn’t start out to be abstainate of course. But by the end of June I became curious to experience life without my endorphins being blocked, so I quit both NAL and drinking for the next 7 months. I lost 30 lbs with no change in diet and life was great. My productivity went through the roof.

In late January of 2015 we began to experience the worst winter in our state since 1946. My work is directly weather related and the conditions began to tax me to the point of utter exhaustion, and then beyond. I was dangerously close to being unable to do what I needed to do, there was no one else to do it, and a great deal of people depended on me to do it. I was in crisis, as we all were at my company. Add to this I had a torn meniscus in my knee which was extremely painful and required surgery, and I was in deep distress. One crazy afternoon the boss brought in a bottle before we left for the day. I had not had a drink in 7 months. I had my NAL with me, but waiting an hour was not an option, and suddenly, at the sight of the bottle and given all my distress, I desperately wanted a drink. I drank greedily, as we all did. Each of us exhausted. And I felt relief for the 1st time in weeks. The next day I bought my own bottle, and found relief again on the drive home. I didn’t want NAL. I wanted relief. I wasn’t too worried. The weather would soon break, and then I wouldn’t need relief. But the weather never broke in the winter of 2015. It just kept on coming, slam after slam. I had company bottles, and my bottles, and somehow we all managed until April. But I was drinking without control again. I also had my surgery coming up, which required narcotics, so no NAL. So I waited until after the surgery, and then I started taking NAL all over again, -and the same thing happened. Once again I lost all interest in alcohol, this time after a much shorter period. So even if you relapse, -you can always return to TSM and the friendly little pill. It works. You just have to take the pill. For a lot of you, easier said than done.

And that is because you won’t give up alcohol.

That’s right. I wrote “won’t”, not can’t. With TSM you now can. But will you? This brings us to the discussion about why we drink. In my case, I began drinking because it was infinitely more fun to drink than not to drink. Of course, in the end the fun was gone, but by then it was far too late. In the end I desperately wanted to quit, to be free of my addiction. Do you?

Or are you here because a loved one is pressuring you? Or the courts? Perhaps you have fears or phobias that you mask with alcohol and can not face them without drinking. You may not be advanced enough in your alcoholism to really give it up. Had I found TSM in my 30’s when my drinking was definitely becoming a problem, -I am not sure I would have grabbed that life ring.

The point is that the relationship you have with alcohol is the deepest one in your life. Drinking likely consumes more of your time than any other activity except perhaps sleeping. What will you do when your lover is gone? Can you face that? Can you fill the enormous vacuum that will result? Can you say good-bye to your alcoholic buddies? If you can’t, you will be sorely tempted to stop taking your pill. And not taking the pill is why, for some folks, TSM doesn’t work. No surprise. So the right question to ask yourself is not if TSM really works, but rather: Will I continue to take my pill every time I drink?

The good news, in a way, is TSM takes 4 to 12 months to work, which gives us the time we need to slowly adjust and say our good-byes. Don’t worry if at first you cannot picture a life without alcohol, or all of your alcohol-related activities. I couldn’t either. Just take your pill and drink as you normally would for 3 or 4 months and don’t worry about anything else. After a couple of months, now it will be time to start peering into the future and figuring out how you intend to fill the vacuum. Your drinking will be coming down, and you’ll have more free time as a result, so it’s a natural time to begin this critical process.

TSM works, it’s cheap, and it’s effortless. It is too good to be true. The only question for you, perspective patient, is: will you continue to always take your pill when you drink? Can you, in the end, say good-bye?

For some having difficulty saying good-bye, professional counseling may be indicated to get to root causes. You will need more than just a pill if you find yourself not taking it before drinking. Just something to keep in mind when you begin your journey.

Best Of Luck,

Clarion

Amazing grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Thanks, Clarion. I needed to hear this, and it helps tremendously. Thank you for sharing and being part of the community.

wonderful news and a great happy story

A very real, constructive and inspiring story. Thanks for coming back to share.
Steve.

Amazing, and thank you. Your post has helped my mind set.

Summer

Clarion what a wonderful post. Thank you so much. I find it very good to read other peoples journies, especially one like yours that had its ups and downs. It definitely helps to motivate me when I read how other people have managed. I am very happy for your success and hope to be in the same position one day. I have been taking Nal since January and get very discouraged at times but will continue plodding on with it. It IS going to work for me....

Thanks again Clarion.....wonderful post!

Hugs, Maggie

Thank You Clarion for sharing and giving us all hope who are still on the TSM road to the Cured List. I just posted that I slipped yesterday as I kind of zoned out but really I have always followed the Golden Rule since starting TSM on October 14 2014.
Wish it would work for me as quick as it did for you but I know we are all different and as I have said over and over Nal+Drink+PATIENCE=Success and I know we will all get there if we just hang in there and let TSM do it's thing for us!
So very happy for you......
Nal On!

Thank you for that post. Having just got here I am eager and anxious to be cured. But of course I have said that before and when it came down to it - I always went back to my "lover" the bottle. Now - for the first time in 40 some years I have a real fighting chance to kick the abusive B****H out! Reading your post was like reading my lift story so it really gives me hope - but also puts me on notice that I have to take the pill EVERY time - not just sometimes.

Thank you and please stick around!

Excellent post, I'm only a week in but it is great to hear from someone who has graduated so to speak and preparing me for the road ahead to think of a life after alcohol

Thank you for sharing...it's been 2 months on the TSM and I can see that it will take me some time to say good bye to the alcohol and to find my bliss outside the vacuum