Well, its been almost three months since declaring myself cured. And guess what.... I think I may have to take myself off the cured list. Maybe I'm halfway cured or somewhere in between. But my drinking is going in the wrong direction again. Back in March I was so sure that I was cured but now I really wonder whats happening. I now take a full strength nal on a full stomach to avoid the crappy feeling Nal gives me without food. But over the last 5-6 weeks I've been drinking first two beers and then an entire bottle of wine. This is not good! Funny, during the week I don't drink at all. I have no problem not drinking. But when the weekend comes I find that I am really looking forward to drinking..... alot! I know that I can totally obstain if I make that decision. But I was hoping that TSM would completely remove my desire for booze, so that I would not feel like I was missing anything by not drinking. Well, I still feel like I'm missing something if I don't indulge on the weekends. That feeling is alive and well.

I guess, I'll just keep naling on and see what happens. But reading half glass' post about it taking 17 months is very inspiring. Maybe I just need more time.... I hope.

Nal on everyone...

Hey there, Nalwayout! It's good to hear from you, though I'm sad you're struggling a bit. This is a topic thats being kicked around a LOT lately: several people coming back after relapsing, etc. Topics I'd never considered. I figured people just disappeared into the sunset and lived Happily Ever After ! But why WOULDN'T people relapse or start looking back wistfully at that powerfully seductive beast, alcohol? And one danger I'm finding for myself is that alcohol is no longer "scary" to me and I also seem to have forgotten how completely miserable I was just a year ago over alcohol... So...I can't say I'm relapsing, since I'm not yet cured! but I've been...lets say..."messing around" w/ the program lately. Lizard Brain is DEFINITELY ambivalent about this "cured" business.

Anyway, welcome to you, because no matter what phase you are in, this Forum is the right place for you to be...to get support and also because we all learn from each other's experiences, positive or otherwise. It's only life, after all...

Thanks so much for your response and support Chrissie. I can definitely relate to the "not feeling scared feeling" I used to have a month or so ago. That is until I started blacking out parts of the evening. That really shocked me that I was back at that point. I'm thinking the problem was that I was taking only 1/2 a tablet because it made me so nauseous. I was doing that for about 2 months. then when I began having black out events I played around with taking nal on a full stomach. This did the trick, no nausea. So I began taking a full tablet. But perhaps that two month period of not taking the full dose of nal caused me to go backwards. I'm not really sure. Anyway, here I am back on TSM.

Oh crap! But thanks for welcoming me back. I appreciate it very much!

Best,

This is what Hesster poster elsewhere today...and it makes absolute sense to me. This is all a new and very inexact science, and w/ something as powerful as alcohol addiction it seems like the various reactions will vary greatly, as do our definitions of "cured". Hmmm. Maybe this is why 30% of the TSM "grads" end up abstinent, to eliminate the wiggle room...

We are ALL Sinclair test rats at this point, and I'm not sure if our larger-than-rat brains are a help or a hinderance , but I'm still very glad to be part of it all. You/we'll be FINE.

Hi Nalwayout, sort of glad to see you back even though it's not a good thing for you - but the fact that you are still trucking on is the good part.

It's hard to know a cure from "doing really well on naltrexone" because we all have different drinking backgrounds, and we all want different kinds of control, or abstinence.

Anyway you 're in the right place.

Hi Nalwayout - Sorry to hear of your "relapse." I too could relapse quite easily I think if I started buying wine and sitting in my drinking chair at home, but I made a pact with myself six weeks ago not to do that anymore. So, if I drink these days it is either something I don't particularly enjoy that much at home such as a watered down margarita (stopped that about 3 weeks or more ago as simply not worth it) or I will drink a glass of wine or two out at a restaurant.

Give yourself some more time. My cravings still come and go. The other night after a hard day at work I simply had to have a glass of wine so I went out to dinner with my youngest on a Monday night and had two glasses of wine with dinner. That was quite the experience. I got pretty looped on those two glasses and nearly made a complete arse of myself (got a bit snippy with the waitress). The next morning I realized that I had extinguished some craving as now I don't seem to care if I have another glass of wine even at a restaurant. In fact, I feel like avoiding all restaurants that serve wine for awhile. It has become the devil or the deep blue sea for me after 17 1/2 months. If I have wine I react the same as always (except now I can quit at one or two glasses) and I don't like the reaction (i.e. getting snippy, abrasive, etc.). So, after all these months of Nal+Al my brain seems to have given up or at least got the message that drinking just isn't worth it considering the consequences.

Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread. Wanted only to give you some encouragement. I really believe we can all relapse as many of those who have declared "regained control" come back and say they have, but then they get wise and regain control again. You will too!