as many of you may have noticed, i seem to be the sole member here having a mostly unchanged drinking experience thus far. so, part of what i am doing is to pay attention to what exactly happens with me each day. today i noticed my typical thinking about popping that first beer at about 5. as i am making an effort to delay the first one, i didn't take my nal until 5, so that the first would be at 6. crazy how long that hour felt. the thought just kept popping up, like kids on a long car ride, "are we there yet????" is this craving or habit? i don't know, but it is sure is insistent!
this first beer gets finished earlier than i would like. ( i have this goal of one per hour). about 40 minutes. feeding and walking dogs works as a distraction to delay opening second beer. beers 2 - 6 (hopefully a max of 6 today) get consumed with tv, and i notice a bit of feeling jittery or anxious. funny that this feeling was not present earlier in the day, but now it feels like the only way to get this to subside is to... you guessed it, have another beer! is it the tv or the beer or the boredom that causes the anxiety? i don't know really, but i do know this is a very familiar feeling that if i have one more the anxiousness will subside, i will get a sense of feeling relaxed and will be able to go to bed. with fewer units that relaxed feeling never arrives and since i'm still wide awake, what am i going to do???? have another beer! (BTW, i hate how posts just suddenly disappear, anyone else have that problem when posting?) anyway, tonight looks like 7 will be the "magic number" that allows me to wind down and go to sleep. i always quit when i hit that point, even if it is halfway through a beer, no blackouts, no sloppiness, i just need enough.
does anyone else relate to this? or am i the only "magic number" user here
thanks all, sorry this is long,
path

yes!

I need to go to sleep pretty soon . . . but just wanted to tell you "yes!"

( . . . "Heck! When I drink - pill first - but then get on the internet with the booze! - FOR Me! . . . ) Anybody else have an "internet addiction" tied into, co-existing with, The Booze? . . . . Interesting . . . . "Pharmacological Extinction" for both at once!

Path, a couple of thoughts. As for losing posts. Before you hit the submit button on any post select all the text, right click and copy to the clipboard. Sometimes you get a timeout if you've had the post a reply box open too long and that's why you lose the message. I lost a couple of long posts before I started doing this.

Have you read Ameisen's book about baclofen? A big part of his drive to drink was tied up in his need to relieve anxiety. It might be worth looking into it.

Edit: I went back and read your first post. I didn't realize you've only been using TSM for 4 months. Personally, I wouldn't even consider baclofen until I was 1 year in TSM with no progress or if I was a danger to myself or others because of my drinking. You don't seem to have any of those issues so maybe TSM is working in the background and you just need a little more time.

st. vincent,
thanks for the response. i have found that using the save button at the bottom of the page is easier than a clipboard, but still get frustrated (why no frustrated smiley? )when things go poof before i've saved a few sententces. as to baclofen, you are right, it is too early, but it might be necessary down the road, i am already very afraid of that drug. i'm working in other ways to reduce anxiety and hopefully in the end nal will do the job.
redfishag,
i'm so sorry you can relate it will be interesting to see what happens to the internet addiction thing as you stick with the nal, perhaps it could get extinguished at the same time. i wonder, would you have to limit your internet time til only after you have taken nal? here's hoping it will work.
path

Hang in there Path. From my experience the anxiety lessened as my drinking lessened. I used to think I HAD to have a drink at supper time because that was my worst time for anxiety (won't bore you with why...) but somehow once the Nal really gets to work the two things seemed to happen together.

I guess I mean that once I could get through that time without drinking my confidence and good feelings took over and the anxiety seemed more manageable. Now I have been able to put some other things in place. I'm getting up early to walk the dog. I also have changed my eating to Paleo Nutrition which keeps my blood sugar low and steady. I go for another walk later in the day. I got my camera out and have been taking pictures like a maniac. I'm making myself put my makeup on every day, and I'm wearing my sexiest jeans. This is what Naltrexone has done for me.

And I can feel my confidence building - I'm able to make decisions for MYSELF, and to allow my DH to get mad if he doesn't like something - without getting all anxious and reaching for the bottle. Please be patient and wait. Try to push back your times, or try for an AF day - but gently - don't force it. Have a daily plan and stick to it. All this will give you the confidence you need.