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 Post subject: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2016 6:54 pm 
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Posts: 7
I had a whole novel typed up but thankfully for you all I lost it :lol:
I'll try to keep it succint (but probably fail): Was a raging, blackout, risky alcoholic through the age of 28. Had my son and started TSM in November 2011. "Cured" in January/February 2012 as a fast responder. Still drank according tot he Golden Rule, within normal limits. Often never finished my glass of wine.

Took up drinking without nal around August 2013 after going through a rough patch and remember how good alcohol used to make me feel. I drank without nal for close to three years. It took about a year before I started having "too-much" experiences (hangovers, drinking to impairment). It was about eighteen months-2 years before I started having pre-TSM experiences (humiliating evenings, blackouts). But even then these were rare, and I rationalized it based on how regular people occasionally go too far so this is still normal. However, the units and frequency crept up, ever so slowly. Readdiction is real, but it's so subtle. The last few weeks I've been averaging 3 glasses of wine a day since March due to a stressful project at work (some days up to 6-7 drinks).

But now, I'm here. And it's not because of some huge humilating moment, it's after I went to my 5 year old son's mother's day breakfast Friday and was a bit hungover. I used Visine and mints and hoped I was inconspicuous. Nothing bad happened. I got a lovely card from my son about all the wonderful ways I'm a mom, and he was so proud that I came and showed me off to his friends!

It was when I realized that this is precious, and if I go down this path there will be a day where he is not so proud of me because I oversleep/drink too much and don't show up. Or I show up drunk instead of hungover. I can see it happening based on what I used to be. I don't see the trend reversing on it's own.

So here I am, and here's to Round 2. I have been rereading the book and following the Golden Rule for four days. I am hoping that extinction will be faster the 2nd time around. And 've realized that it will take some work on my part: I thought TSM would make me a normal drinker and I wouldn't have to give anything up. But I need to realize that I am giving up something that is SO comforting and important to me--the warm release of drinking without nal, the erasing of the day's stresses, the flood of happiness. and I've committed to never again feeling that wonderful feeling. I wonder if this time I should combined TSM to take care of my physical addiction and then do something like AA to take care of the psychological addiction? Or try to concentrate more on positive endorphin activities?

My family is worth it.


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2016 11:11 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:28 pm
Posts: 1490
Welcome back, Seafowl! Congratulations on getting back on TSM!

It sounds like you might benefit from working the "Selective Extinction" angle of TSM, where you use your AF days to slip in a substitute habit that's healthier when the Nal wears off and your opioid receptors are more sensitive (and reward you more for endorphin-releasing activities). Sounds like there might be some underlying issues to take care of too, like depression/anxiety/stress that you're reacting to and are used to using drink to de-stress you from those encounters.

Anyway, lean on us when you hit a bump in the road and let us know how you're getting along!


Last edited by JoeSixPack on Sat May 14, 2016 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2016 2:52 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:54 pm
Posts: 1204
Seafowl: I am so glad you have started again. And you have such an advantage over many because you KNOW that TSM works for you.

I know exactly what you mean about giving up that warm and comforting feeling and I think I really struggle with that too. I sometimes drink (never without my nal) chasing that feeling and get pissed when I don't get it. But I've stuck with this for over a year and that is happening less and less. I am just learning what life is like as a sober person.

I am like you, one of the biggest motivations for me is my kids, ages 15 and 8. What better reason could there be?

Hang in there and keep posting. You can do this!!

P.S. And yes, I do think finding other activities that you enjoy and focusing on them is a great idea. For the last six months I have been working out a LOT more and it feels great. Also thinking that I want to get back to some writing that I have always wanted to do but never got around to because drinking was always important.

xoxo Newlife

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Newlife
started 3/3/15
Pre-TSM 26 - 30 US Units/week

Month 1 16/wk av 4AF month
2 17/wk av 5 AF
3 18/wk av 6 AF
4 NT
5 NT
6 NT
7 17/wk av 4 AF
8 17/wk av 5 AF
9 13/wk av 5 AF
10 & 11 NT
Beginning tracking again Week 48
Wk 48 18/2 49 14.5/2


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2016 5:31 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:43 pm
Posts: 219
Thank you for checking in with this update. It sounds like you were a heavy drinker like me though I'm certain I was worse. Being now cured myself and having recently had a few of you check in who went off NAL helps put some questions to rest. I'd never delude myself into thinking I'll ever drink normally (I say now) on the other hand anythings possible I suppose. As such I've naturally been curious how fast the compulsions returns. You now say a year and I think the other gent said something like 6 months, but I'd have to look back. It's good information to have.

If I were you I would avoid AA. Having come to this sober and in the program I can assure you the two aren't compatible. They want nothing to do with TSM and will attempt to sabotage it. Additionally, having now been emancipated from AA I've been able to research and look back upon it objectively and see it's a very suspect program. You would be well advised to look into SMART on the other hand should you desire that kind of support system. Further, consider enlisting a therapist. In any event that's just my .02 and you can surely and freely go to an AA meeting to check it out.

Well wishes and keep us posted!

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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2016 11:30 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 12:27 pm
Posts: 1687
Welcome back Seafowl - sorry about what happened to you and I do suggest that you write down exactly how you are feeling and WHY. Then if ever you are tempted to start drinking again without the Nal, please read what you wrote down! I would not do AA - but that is just a personal opinion - they do not go for the 'I can have a drink if I take a Nal' route ......

I agree with maybe finding a therapist though - OR you could come here and post A LOT! I have no idea how quickly it will work for you second time round - it took me 11 months - my first (and only, hopefully) time - so I am hoping that it does work as quickly for you again - but if it doesn't please keep at it!

Hugs, Maggie

_________________
Pre Nal 40-45 wk


Month 12: 4 drinks TOTAL (Dec '15)
13: 2 drinks (nearly) for Jan '16 !!!
None since Jan '16 I feel that I can safely say that I am cured!


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2016 6:15 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:11 am
Posts: 28
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm new here (just going to start nal this week) but it's good to know going into this that the readdiction will occur.


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2016 5:48 am 
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Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 4:51 pm
Posts: 7
Bardo wrote:
Thank you for checking in with this update. It sounds like you were a heavy drinker like me though I'm certain I was worse. Being now cured myself and having recently had a few of you check in who went off NAL helps put some questions to rest. I'd never delude myself into thinking I'll ever drink normally (I say now) on the other hand anythings possible I suppose. As such I've naturally been curious how fast the compulsions returns. You now say a year and I think the other gent said something like 6 months, but I'd have to look back. It's good information to have.


It was definitely not as fast for me as the book stated; I thought it would all come rushing back after that first drink without nal. But it was slow. I think this actually worked against me, because with each nal-less drink and no negative consequences that old me became more of a distant memory. If I had started rapidly approaching my old drinking levels within a few months I probably would have reversed course a lot faster. And it became harder to justify ever taking the pill again when bad outcomes were so rare.

No matter what speed, I'm convinced it does happen to everyone. Whatever made us bad enough to take up TSM in the first place, it's still there dormant after being cured. I have no doubt I would go back to drunk driving, showing up to lab meetings drunk, teaching drunk, etc. The week before I started TSM I was adding Irish cream to my morning coffee to make the start of the day more interesting.

I am thankful to remember my old self enough to pay close attention to the ever-increasing red flags.


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2016 5:52 am 
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Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 4:51 pm
Posts: 7
Maggie1929 wrote:
Welcome back Seafowl - sorry about what happened to you and I do suggest that you write down exactly how you are feeling and WHY. Then if ever you are tempted to start drinking again without the Nal, please read what you wrote down! I would not do AA - but that is just a personal opinion - they do not go for the 'I can have a drink if I take a Nal' route ......

I agree with maybe finding a therapist though - OR you could come here and post A LOT! I have no idea how quickly it will work for you second time round - it took me 11 months - my first (and only, hopefully) time - so I am hoping that it does work as quickly for you again - but if it doesn't please keep at it!

Hugs, Maggie


I agree about AA. I attended a few meetings after my first DUI years ago and it didn't sit right with me. But I do recognize that I drink out of habit as a response to stress. I need to take control and consciously figure out ways to replace that response with something healthy.

I also drink as a social lubricant.

The hardest thing for me is thinking about taking nal before drinking for a few exciting events coming up. There is a dinner in a few weeks with my colleagues and I remember fondly how we would drink a lot, eat great food, and feel euphoric. The thought of doing with with a dampened buzz is depressing. I think I'm going to have to take my nal that morning right out of bed so I don't spend all day convincing myself that just one dinner without nal will be fine.


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2016 8:22 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 12:27 pm
Posts: 1687
Just to let you know - the nal only covers you for approx. 12 hours so if you have a dinner and take the Nal first thing, you possibly will not be covered .... and I was curious - can't you have fun without getting drunk? Although you will still get drunk if you drink enough - it just stops the buzz and you made me wonder if you REALLY want this to work? I knew that it had to work for me - so took it whatever I had going on - but you do have to be sure.......

hugs, Maggie

_________________
Pre Nal 40-45 wk


Month 12: 4 drinks TOTAL (Dec '15)
13: 2 drinks (nearly) for Jan '16 !!!
None since Jan '16 I feel that I can safely say that I am cured!


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 Post subject: Re: 2nd round after readdiction
PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2016 10:02 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2015 11:28 pm
Posts: 1490
Seafowl -

" But I do recognize that I drink out of habit as a response to stress. I need to take control and consciously figure out ways to replace that response with something healthy."


There's a book you might want to check out, "The Upward Spiral" by Alex Korb. Something of an Owner's Manual for the brain. It describes the roles that the individual parts that are involved in depression, anxiety and stress play and how the different parts interact. The cover mentions depression, but it's mainly about how we automatically cope with anxiety and stress. You'll probably recognize the part of the brain where coping habits are kept and how that ties into TSM. There are previews on Amazon and Google Books, it gets good reviews on GoodReads too. I think you'd dig it, especially as it sounds like you may be in one of the scientific/medical disciplines.

It's def not the same old "positive thinking" stuff, different approach altogether.


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