My story is two stories. One is the story of my dad and the other is mine own which I hope will be very different since discovering TSM.
I come from a big family with generation after generation of alcoholics, however to my knowledge I am the first female in my family to become an alcoholic. Alcoholism has been a scourge on my family . My dad was an alcoholic from the age of 17. He was a gentle and painfully shy character and mainly used alcohol in social settings going on week long binges and then abstaining for weeks. This was the pattern for him for about 18 years. During that time he spent a few spells in prison due to his drinking which was a cause of great shame to him as when he was sober he was an incredibly proud man. After 18 years he got sober through AA and stayed sober for the next 20 years. I now see that the whole much of that 20 years were a white knuckle ride. He rarely went out other than to go to work and never, ever went anywhere where there might be alcohol. He became very reclusive and depressed. 7 years ago his will broke and he hit the bottle. His drinking was way beyond what it had been when he stopped. He was no longer a binge drinker but drank constantly. Drinking until he passed out and then only getting up to start drinking again. He slept rough and eventually was admitted to a psychiatric hospital when he attempted to suicide by jumping out of a window when drunk. Much of the last 5 years have been sent in hospital and he is currently in hospital and sober with the aid of Antabuse. He has to date been unable to stay sober each time he comes home. My dad like many alcoholics believes a number of things about himself. Namely that he is weak willed, that he is immoral, that his alcoholism is his own fault and that the only way out is abstinence. I can see now that these are the very beliefs that have got him where he is today. I've been thinking a lot about his story since I started TSM and thinking how many others there must be like him and what a great shame it is.
My story is a bit different. I was sworn off alcohol until 21, even getting through university without ever indulging. I had a fear that if I started drinking I would end up like my dad. At 21 I started. From the minute I started, drinking had a unique magic and excitement for me. Since starting TSM this 'glow' is diminished and before TSM I didn't realise it existed - I thought the way I experienced drinking was normal....that everyone got butterflies in their stomach and shook with excitement at the thought of a drink! I became a binge drinker almost immediately. Limiting my drinking to the weekends for many years. I feel a bit like I've lived 2 parallel lives. During the week I was responsible. In my 20's I managed to gain a doctorate while working full time but at weekends I was a mess. Spending 2-3 days drinking or hungover. I tried many things to curb my drinking... AA, therapy but my drinking continued to escalate. At 31 I secured a great job as director of a large company. In the back of my head I felt like a complete fraud and that at some point they would find me out. Since then I have lived with a morbid fear of getting fired. This is when my drinking really became a problem. I started coming home from work early to drink at home on my own. When my husband found out I changed tactic and started leaving work at lunch time to go and drink so that I could sober up by the evening and the weekend binges continued. This is where I was at a few weeks ago when I went on amazon and by complete accident found Eskapa's book. I got it and read it in one sitting. It completely changed the way I thought about my alcoholism and was like a light bulb going on. I felt like crying when I thought of all those years wasted believing that I was weak willed and immoral and that I had to find my way out of the hole I had dug myself without any help. I've been on TSM 3 weeks and yes its been a roller coaster but I cannot believe the changes so far. There is no doubt that the 'magic' and the 'glow' of drinking are diminishing. I believe that while a long way from cured I am starting to experience drinking just like a non alcoholic would. Its completely changed the way I think about myself. Realising that this is a medical problem with a scientific solution has changed everything for me.

Apologies for the long and rambling story but writing on the board is proving to be as helpful at the Nal at the moment!

Susie,

Thank you for sharing your stories. Your dad's experience is heartbreaking. It really does show how damaging that AA brainwashing, as well as the common attitude toward alcoholism, can be. You sound like a victim of that thinking as well, we probably all are at least to some degree.

I felt the same way when I read Eskapa's book, it was liberating and just made so much sense. He described my experience exactly, with the ADE and extra rush with the very first drihk. I, too, have lived a very successful and functional life, all the while being terrified that I would be found out. This method is a breath of fresh air, and in my opinion, nothing short of a miracle.

Hang in there, it really is a roller coaster ride. In my experience, and following advice from this board, it is best to just take your Nal and "drink as you normally would." I have not tried to limit at all, and right around 4 months (+ increased dosage), alcohol simply does not hold the same allure, no more "glow."

Good luck and I hope your dad can be helped with TSM as well!

YG

Hi Susie,

Thanks for sharing your stories and good luck to you!

--mlb

Wow susie,


My thoughts are with you and your pops. I only wish he would've had access to TSM. My Best, jim

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your story Susie-sending you & your dad lots of white light and positive energy. I too find writing on this board to be very therapeutic--anything that helps is a good thing!

Thankfully, you found TSM by accident.

That's a sad story, and it's an example of how abstinence can actually make the desire for alcohol even stronger.

Good luck, Susie.

Hey Susie, Thank you for sharing and I fully understand your misgivings with AA as I had a mother who was 7 years sober. It kept her sober, but didn't do anything for her anxiety. I am thankful for AA and all of it's success stories, however I am hoping to learn to live WITH alcohol through the The Sinclair Method. I find it hard to believe that sobriety is the only answer. I'll check the other posts to see if you are still plugging along. Keek

Wow, Keek...I don't know how you found this thread, but I'm glad you did. There are SO many wonderful tales like this that get buried in (even) the RECENT past...

BTW, welcome to you, Keek. I read everyone's recent threads - at least as much as I can keep up with - but I can only attend so many cocktail parties in an evening, afterall! Anyway, it sounds like you're off to a great start w/ TSM, and in being involved in the forum, too! Put in the time, and you'll get there, too.

Chrissie