By anais nin, it went something along the lines of those who live deeply are not afraid of dying. now nobody get upsrt, i am not imminently or presently suicidal or anything of the sort, but i am a single mom, doing the best she can with her son and an alcohol problem, which is thankfully, so much better because of the naltrexone and tsm, however...holidays are never good for me. and i do live deeply. and one of the reasons i am doing this method is for my son and it was MOTHER'S DAY! and i kinda lost it cuz i am still not where i want to be... i kinda got really really **** faced and ruined the entire day. and i kinda felt like killing myself or dying or something...anything to just make it all go away...everyday i live deeply, and i realize i must not be afraid to die because, wow, am I ever so self destructive. Still. Yes i am doing better, but no, these things, they don't just disappear. That's my story. Sorry its so gd depressing. I feel better now tho!

Hey there! Well, my two didn't even call me on Mother's Day so you are one up as your kid was with you! I had a few glasses too as I was feeling anxiety, but today I had a terrific AF day and feel good about that.

Don't beat yourself up. These bad days come and go. One of the bad things about dying is you can't come back!! At least now when you screw up you have tons of chances to have good days.

I think we all feel sometimes we'd just like to end the pain, but even on bad days we are alive, with POTENTIAL for good days! God bless.

everybody does stupid stuff if you're an alkie,....the best gift will be when you get control. Your kid will adore you,,.....Hang tight and don;t stop the treatment. It works

Yes, kris, don't feel bad about feeling bad! lol - not to make light. But you can't change what's happened, just make amends today and go on. Also, thoughts of dying and suicide are normal with those of fighting this horrible addiction every f***ing day...feeling guilty, wondering if lightening is going to strike you and it will all be over today...you are not alone. Just get on here and post like you did b/c we are here for you!

You sound like you had a real bottom-out day... but not seriously contemplating doing yourself in, just wanting to end your pain & suffering. Understandable. Because if you really were at that point, I will say that oft-used expression: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". This too shall pass, gf. Be strong. You feel deeply, you "live out loud" then, and feel the earth move, etc. You are in good company...most of us here got here because of those same strong feelings. A blessing and a curse.

Glad you posted - keep doing so esp. when you are feeling your worst. All of us have been there and appreciate the rescue efforts that come with the territory. You are not alone - I hope this finds you better!

Let us know -
XXXOOO

HOUTX.......Well friend, you're blessed by the best in the most beautiful corner of cyberspace.

Wow,..... Stay close here, people always the best. (disclaimer,...6 units,...normally 600) best jim