Maggie, I don't know what happens if I drink on the AD. Maybe it won't work. The AD really makes me tired though, and I can't drive! Oh, life just gets more and more interesting as time goes by.

Tamara,

Keep on fighting. It sounds like you did well enough when you decided to drink on the new AD. Only two drinks and you took the pill. That maybe against the Drs orders while taking the AD but it is exactly what you should do on NAL. If you are going to drink..... And the end result was only two drinks - and not a binge or a loss of control.

And let me say this, "your mother is THEE asshole"

Thank you reboot. Your right it wasn't a total binge. Yesterday, but today it was.

I spent 7 hours in ER today because my 9 year old grandson said at school he wanted to kill himself, and counted at least 5 ways he could do it. So I took him into the hospital to get assessed They actually said he didn't seem too depressed. We will be following up with his therapist and starting him in a children's grievance group soon.

Then after I texted 5 people on his fathers side of the family telling them what was going on, I got no response for hours. Then his great grandmother told me she was calling CPS on me. I said, "Bring it on!" GEEZ They never see these boys! I told her, leave him with us long enough and we will have 5 attorneys in the family, and he'll be a damned good one! God, They make me so mad!!!! So I drank. Leave it to me to do it up good.

And I've had this wild idea for a while about going out and being homeless. My husband got mad because I drank. And what a day it was. Anyway, don't laugh, I went out the back door, planning on spending the night out with the homeless. I went out into this beautiful oak tree filled area, that their doing construction on. Enjoyed the stars, hearing the bugs in the trees, and hiding out, Called out quietly, anyone out there? Anyone homeless out there? NO. I guess in the part of town I live in is to nice for homeless people. I talked to myself a lot, and said, guess I have too much money to be homeless here. I fell down a few times, and thought Oh no, that nice lady just hit her butt on the ground. No one there to hear me but the bugs. But they were friendly.

I did have a nice long conversation with my daughter though, as I sat in a large dirt mover bucket, lol!!! Sorry, but I really am laughing. I got back home at 2:30 am, and my husband never missed me. How dare him.

Anyway, It's been on my bucket list to go live with the homeless for a while. So another thing off my bucket list!

OK, I'm crazy. But after today, I deserved to be freaking CRAZY!!!! lol!

I think that was the craziest on the list. Think I'll do Spain next! But not running with the bulls. But then again??

Oh Lord, Please buy me a Mercedes Benz! From Janis's own words. And yes, I'm CRAZY!!!!!!

Tamara,
As I was raised in Sacramento, this really had me laughing Granite Bay is always a nice treat for us to drive through and Dream of living there - haha

Sorry to hear about your experience and that your husband is not interested in supporting you through this process. I have not read your history yet. I hope that he gets a chance to read the book.

I cannot imagine my family members threatening CPS on me. I am a recent father with number 2 boy on the way.

I will follow your story. Take care
-GuyJeb

Hi Guy Jeb, How funny you know where Granite Bay is! I really thought there would be some homeless people there, but maybe they just couldn't hear me? Or hopefully we have good services here in Placer county. I hope so.

Just kind of a fantacy to think of just disappearing. Of course, it would not be fun for long I'm sure. I really was not trying to make light of homelessness, but the silliness of me going out to do that was a bit rediculouse.

Hope your doing well.

Oh dear Tamara - I shouldn't really laugh but the way you described it was so funny. I am sorry for all that you are having to go through .... life can be very hard at times.

Hugs to you, Maggie x

Oh, Tamara, I think you would find that being homeless isn't all it is cracked up to be. I think there are times we all want to "run away from home". And...we are all a little crazy.

I am sorry about your grandson. How are things going with him? That must have been very scary.

I'm thinking positive. Maybe the antidepressants are kicking in.

But I had a nice visit from our friendly CPS Someone made a report to them, that I was so medicated, that I didn't even know, my grandson's name. OK.

So they came out, and saw I was able to not drool constantly, I was clean and dressed, and the house was clean. and knew my name and date for today. They spoke with Noah, and he didn't know what they were talking about regarding me not know who he is. He did express a fear something would happen to me, or he might come home and find me dead.

But putting this in perspective, he was so afraid his mother would die, and she did. Right before she did die, he actually ran off the school grounds, trying to get home to her, to protect her from her abusive boyfriend. He felt he had to protect her. And now it looks like he's turning that hyper vigilance on me. Fear of losing me.

So I tell him nothing will happen, I love him and everything really will be ok.

I sure hope things calm down for a while now. I'm a little tired. But I must trudge on.

All of you probably think I'm a total nut, and sometimes I know I'm a nut. So much drama. I'm tired of it myself.

So I will try to be positive and not a Debbie Downer, I hate that saying but, it does say a lot in a nut shell.

Thanks all. Your all great. And trudge on!!!

Tamara,

I have been out of town and I have been trying to keep up with the posts, but for some reason I did not get a email saying you posted. I am see that I have checked notify me when reply is posted, so I don't get it...

I wanted to tell you I am sorry you grandson is having such a hard time. I had to take my son to the hospital for depression/anxiety and I know how hard that is. You cannot read their minds so it is scary and frustrating and the staff is looking at you like you did something wrong(at least in my case I felt that way or maybe I was just paranoid). You did the right thing taking him there, and hopefully getting the help that he needs will ease his mind and stop worrying. I worried a lot as a child, and I hope soon he can stop worrying and start being a child.

It is funny that you said you being homeless is on you bucket list, for it isn't on my bucket list but I thought maybe it would be easier for me to be homeless than to be ruled by al. I thought if I was homeless maybe I could stop the cycle of wanting to stop drinking that morning only to drink later that night...but now that I have my drinking under control it hasn't crossed my mind once.

I cannot believe that Noah's other grandmother called CPS! What nerve she has! You are trying to deal with your grief and his grief at the same time and if they really cared they would get involved in his life, and not call CPS! What fools they are! It sounds as if you handled that situation very well and CPS will see it as someone on the other side of the family trying to stir up trouble.

I am so glad that your antidepressants are kicking in, for that is a good sign! I do hope that it is the right one for you. I wish there was a test they could give us to let us know what antidepressant would work on us so they could get it right the first time. I do not know how many antidepressants I have tried and stopped for one reason or the other, and I usually stopped them because the side effects made me more depressed (go figure). So I am happy for you that this one is working...Happy days to follow!


Jaba

My update for week 15. 11 drinks, 0/AF. I might have had a free day, but I lost some of my tracking. Big difference the last two weeks. One reason was being on the new antidepressant that I didn't drink at first.

But I've had to quit taking the Brintellix for depression. Vivid nightmares, felt like I was suffocating while sleeping. Was getting too strange, lol. Have call into Dr. for new med. But that a whole other forum.

All of you have done so well this week.

Hugs to all.