Happy Birthday Marianne!!!!

Babs

Marianne,
Sounds like you're doing well with TSM. 5.30 on a Friday for a first drink is pretty good going!
I agree with BV that this can't be a Monday to Thursday thing (unless you mean you won't drink Fri, Sat, Sun. If you're going to drink you have to take the Nal). Try not to worry in advance about drinking though. If you have a couple... well then you have a couple. Hopefully the Nal will prevent it becoming more than that. I'm not saying go overboard but we do have to drink some alcohol to allow extinction to occur.
I hope you've had a good birthday. If all goes to plan, just imagine what next years birthday will be like !!
Ruth.

Epic failed weekend for me and I feel like shiza... someone is trying to poke my right eye out with an ice pick right now - yesterday as well.

BV & Ruthy - You're right. this has to be all or nothing, the m-t plan is stupid. That was my husbands plan but he doesn't have the issues I have so apparently I always learn the hard way and I've been paying for it for 2 days now. Even the pony's were hard to watch yesterday.

Babs - thank you

Writer - your story is smiliar. my son decided he wanted to live with his dad one year in high school after years of me carting him around all over these tri-states for ice hockey and being full-time team mom. Luckily someone told me years before that if they ever do want to live with the other party then it would be selfish of me to stop that - not to mention I know how important a father/son relationship is and for the fact that his dad and I get along. He moved for a year to the state his dad lives in, didn't get along with stepmom and then moved back... we picked up hockey right away. This time unfortunately he moved out to live with his girlfriend/finance - could be living rent free with me but he's thinking with something else this time around. Luckily I was able to pay for his 4 years of college so he doesn't have loans and it's tough but now 2 weeks later I guess I just have to accept it and cut the cord. He did give me a birthday card so that was nice.

For anyone reading this and thinking that you'll do the work/take the nal m-t - that is hands down a stupid move and I tested it so you don't have to - the hangover is 100% worse even tho I drank like I used to - just don't do it - its not worth it. I'm also the stupid girl that had to test out antibuse to see if it really does what it says - IT DOES! Why do I do this to myself, I'll never know.

Back in even tho I'm a mess today.

Thanks for the birthday wishes

Marianne,

If your not doing Nal + 1hr before each and every drinking session then your not doing TSM. So, yea, M-T is a bad idea.

The Nal has killed the rush and, so far (fingers crossed), I will follow the rule. I am now afraid if I ever feel the rush again that I would be sucked back into the madness I'm trying to escape.

Rich

Rich, you're so very right. I'm the kinda girl that has to test everything I suppose, now I have tested it (wasn't thinking that way but it seems like it) and now I know. Like Barry said earlier, I have to mourn away that feeling and somehow replace it with a more healthy activity.

Today I'm in a much better place, maybe b/c I don't have an ice pick in the back of my right eye, my toe doesn't feel like it's broke (mystery there), my mind is not in a fog, I'm not hunched over my desk sweating out vodka and can actually function with the curtain open... progress. Had 2 drinks last night with nal - so that would be around 4 shots in a 4 hour period and I think I could have done without that second one. For the first time I remember what I watched last night - The real housewives reunion #2 (tacky = yes, addicted = yes.) and switched back and forth to Redskins preseason and didn't even have to ask if they won this morning - I remember!

I also have hope b/c xavier found a doctor in this area that perscribed nal to him - will be contacting them today.

I have actually started to listen to some of this group and rational recovery and done some meditation (which I thought would be impossible for me) and I like it. plain and simple. I've decided not to over think it, just do it like the Nike slogan. I've turned my station to 'spa' so my commute is less stressful and I feel good today.

I recently went to a leadership speaker series in DC and after the hour long talk he thanked the group (of hundreds) for giving him an hour of our time, he went on to say something to the affect that we are all one hour closer to our grave and he really appreciated us giving him that hour. You could hear a gasp of sorts, who says that?!? But he's right. Maybe I can give my life less drunk time and more productive time b/c that time, regardless of how it's spent, is that time closer to my grave - morbid, yes but reality, yes. I don't want to live my life drunk and sick - bottome line.

This is our journey, alittle sad bc we may have different colored liquid in our bottles but we have that bottle in common but we have hope now and it's not a fail system called AA - this actually works.

You know that saying - it takes a village - well TSM folks you are my village right now with the help of nal and I want to say thank you for being just that. my village of support.

Today's gonna be a good day.

M.

Replying to my own post just to keep tabs on my days...

Last night had 5 shots worth of vodka within a 4 hour period, seems to be the norm lately. I'm kinda feeling stuck because I'm spose to drink to activate the medicine and train brain to not care about the alcohol, but then part of me thinks why don't I just do something else and just not drink, not sure I'm ready for that mentally but in the morning that's kinda where I'm going.

The thought of not drinking is depressing though but I'm not enjoying the vodka - I feel so stupid and messed up. If any of my co-workers read this they'd be shocked I think. But who knows, maybe they're just as messed up and we all just hide it in the workplace

Anyway, no AF days for me yet but I'm in hopes that I will someday. Dreams are still crazy and vivid, I hate 2am because I wake up from there every 30 min's it seems but I am without headache/tummy ache and fog - so I'm grateful.

Thanks all! M.

5 in 4 hours is doable. Your main hurdle is going to be 80% in your mind. Even when TSM "cures" you, it's still so subtle that you (or "your conscious") has to continually reinterpret this subtlety, if that makes any sense.

Marianne,
Ok, so how many days has it been since you started Nal? How many days have you been doing it properly (1 hr before any alcohol, every time you drink)? It's a process and it's going to take a while. Don't worry about AF days or racing ahead to a point in the future when you're not drinking. As time goes on you're attachment to alcohol should lessen and the prospect of not drinking won't be so scary. Try not to drive yourself mad thinking about drinking/not drinking. In my experience, once I let my mind get carried away with itself and go round and round the whole thing gets me down and I feel more like drinking than ever. It's early days, extinction is happenening. Follow the protocol and let things happen. Yes, down the line you might want to add in some AF days...and at that point you'll be ready for them. In the meantime enjoy the subtle differences that are already occuring.
Ruth.

Ruthy, I started on Tuesday, Aug 14th and have taken it 14, 15, 16, 19 and 20th. I stupidly skipped the weekend thinking I could handle it - yeah whatever.

Prior to the 14th I was drinking up to 20/22 ounces a night - depending on the night - just down them until I somehow got to bed and I can't remember the last time I went to bed before nal - honestly, which is really pathetic.

Thanks for the tips - I will not worry about the AF days, just continue until my brain starts to really get it.

Wish you lived closer Ruth, I'd love to meet in person and discuss - but - I'm thankful for this site.

M.

M.,

It's soooo early for you. I agree with Ruthie and others' advice; be grateful for subtle changes and patient enough to let the Nal do its work over time. But that's hard, I know. I'm glad you're adjusting to uour son's move.

I feel like my progress has been slow, but now I'm consuming less than half the amount I was pre-TSM! I'm not having to drink in the morning. and lately don't start till after 6pm. Not fighting debilitating hangovers. Adding in exersize (almost) every day. Eating healthier, not just carbo-loading because I'm drunk. Have a clear enough head that I can start making plans for what this new life as a grownup might look like.

So really, that is progress! It happens if a) we're part of the lucky majority for whom Nal works; b) we follow the protocol diligently, c) we don't resist the naturally lessening cravings and just drink ourselves silly out of habit. For me, and for many others, c is the hardest. For no good reason, last night, I nursed an entire bottle of wine over 4 hours or so, catching up on Season 3 of the US version of the British series Shameless, which I love because who doesn't want to watch someone's life that's even more f**ked up than our own (sometimes - at least I don't have dead bodies buried in my yard - yet)? I didn't really get any buzz, but I sure as hell kept trying! I've had glimpses of the aha moment when I had the clarity to stop after 2 or t3 glasses, so I need to pay more attention, be more aware, and just stop when that seems to be the next indicated thing! In other words, I need to listen to my own advice.

Hang in there, everyone!