To each his or her own, but I totally don't buy the "simply a physical problem" idea. The science behind TSM is very convincing, so I accept that there is a physical aspect that NAL can help me address, but as I've "soapboxed" all over these boards, I believe the part about finding other ways to deal with feelings and emotional problems is AT LEAST as important. Chrissie's comment about "learned to handle emotions and situations w/out having alcohol to rely on" is a very big deal for me. I was absolutely using AL as the quick and easy way to chase away anger, resentment, jealousy, disappointment, depression, self-loathing, you name it. Feel bad about ANYTHING? Booze will make it go away for a few hours, and the hell with tomorrow. Real smart, huh? For you, now, that may not be a good fit; if you've abstained for years, apparently you've worked out other ways of dealing with life's problems. I don't know anything much about what you were like in your drinking days, so I'm opining in the blind here.

I completely understand your resenting not being able to have one occasionally in appropriate situations. I did eight years of AA, though 7 1/2 of them I was totally faking it and taking nothing away from the meetings. My #1 problem was something I heard at the very beginning of every single meeting: "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking." Thing is, I did NOT have a desire to stop drinking, ever; I had a desire to stop drinking pathologically. So I felt like a total hypocrite the entire time, even though in the final few months I did at last open my mind to the good stuff in spite of that. But to the point, what I wanted was pretty much what you say you want -- to be able to have a social drink on occasion without going off the deep end. Partly it was about NOT accepting the "powerless over alcohol" thing, which was my second biggest issue with AA. (Well, maybe third, the Higher Power thing is right up there at the top of my list too.) I was raised to believe I must be in control of my fate as much as possible, and accepting that I could never drink because I was incapable of exercising control of my own behavior was a very hard pill to swallow. That being said, though, part of my "head work" has been to get it through my thick skull that there are a whole lot more things outside my control than I might like to believe!

As to will it work after nine years abstinent, as I understand the science, yes. Your receptors were made hypersensitive to alcohol back in your drinking days, and are still set on high even though you no longer drink. Kind of like cranking the TV volume up to 100, then muting it -- hit the un-mute button and you'd better be holding on tight. So the first one without NAL will evoke a big pleasure reaction even after all this time, whereas with NAL it won't. That's the physiological reality behind AA's insistence on "just don't take the first drink." You have the book, so you can look that part up and see if I remember it right; I was a cheapskate and borrowed it from the library.

I just re-read my wordy second paragraph and noticed something: ...to be able to have a social drink on occasion without going off the deep end. The operative word is ABLE. For me, I sometimes think it's not so much about actually having a drink or two, as knowing I CAN if I want to, without losing control. My six months of TSM are actually a little odd in that respect, as I've been making sure I have some AL several days a week in order to let the NAL do its thing. At this point, I'm thinking maybe I need to back off on that and just let it happen more naturally and casually, instead of treating it as some kind of a scheduled "cure" regimen. That's a dilemma you and I face that isn't shared by most posters here, who are trying to come down from very large numbers -- deciding which days are going to be drinking days just isn't an issue! Sorry, folks in that situation, no disrespect intended.

Chrissie,

I read the posting by Half a glass and she and I have a great deal in common. I had no problems that led me to drinking, it was simply the quantity of the alcohol itself that finally got me. My father was an alcoholic and I am sure that he was drunk when he died. I knew nothing about alcoholism when i began to drink and I drank for many years without any real problems except hangovers when I had too much and not enough sleep. My lifestyle finally did me in I believe, I worked for an oil well drilling company and I traveled literally all over the world and often. My way of coping on a plane for all those long hours of international flight was to simply drink from the time i got on the plane until I got off. Because we flew first class the booze was always plentiful. Anyway to cut this short, the people I knew were hard drinkers, I was also predisposed genetically due to my father. I eventually became unable to stop and that was when I realized I was totally hooked. I did eventually abstain for 8 years but when I started again it was almost as if i never stopped. Then a few short bouts with sobriety and my last long drinking spree almost killed me, literally. I could not eat, sleep, drink water, liguor, nothing. My liver was in trouble and I got sick and stayed sick many days and detoxed under that circumstance. And now here I am talking with you on this forum. But like Half a Glass I had no mental disorder driving me to drink, I just really like the taste.

In my travels I used to sample and buy all types of interesting liquors and liqueurs, cognacs, armanacs, scotch, fine wines, etc, etc. It is no wonder it finally caught up with me. My body just could not fight off the sheer quantity that I put in it.

But today I do not crave a drink, I do not sit and remember drinking with any fondness, but I do still wish that I could have a good wine with dinner as I truly loved wine with dinner and a nice cognac or Drambuie afterward. Just the taste not the effect, but obviously if you drink enough drinks at one time then you are going to eventually get drunk. That was me.

I am told that after many years of sobriety your liver and other damaged internal organs will heal themselves to a point that your body has recovered, just not your brain. My doctor tells me I am healthy enough to live to be 100 or more. So that is where the TSM comes in and the Naltrexone. If a healthy sober person can take a pill and an hour later have dinner and wine then why not. But only if I can be sure that it will not lead me back to the last place I was when I last sobered up. I have been sober all this time without help from any program or medication, just sobered up and changed my geographic location and my friends.

Wow is that too much information or what?

TMI??? No way, all fascinating. And I also always am glad when Ellpee weighs in w/ his thoughtful comments and experiences. That's been a very interesting part of TSM & this forum; our experiences and feelings overlap in some ways, and then in other ways are pretty different. I myself never felt eminently in danger from alcohol in terms of long black out binges or dui's or legal problems...it was all more theoretical in that I KNEW I was drinking too much to be healthy. And then, yes, the last few years it was clearly accelerating and causing more and more unhappiness and shame for me. My stumbling on the first mention of TSM was a god-send and very timely!

I appreciate being able to share w/ everyone here - and learn from each other, also! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone...I have SO much to be thankful for this year, especially.

Just received an email that my order of Nal has been shipped and on its way. To tell you the truth it kind of made me nervous thinking about actually having the pills in my hands and then what will I do. I have also found a convenient method of carrying a few around in my pocket. I dug out an unused contact lens case that is very small but will probably accomodate two to four tablets. Funny thing yesterday, my wife drank a half of glass of wine with her turkey, after dinner she was smiling and I asked why and she said she felt a little drunk, I thought to myself with a smile, you are such a light weight, a half glass.Ha.

You've been clutching those little pills in your hand for over a week now -- what's your thought process doing? Hope you've made a decision you're comfortable with, whichever way you're going.

No, actually the pills have not arrived yet but I expect them someday this week. And then I don't know yet when I might give it a try. My wife does not drink much, maybe 2-3 bottles of wine a year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. So until there is another occasion to think about I will not be interested to test it until I know that there is a specific date to consider. Also I am not really interested in daily or even weekly drinking, I only want to be able to have a drink on those occasions that say my wife drinks, or if we are invited for a holiday meal or drink. I will keep you advised when that happens as I don't want to keep it to myself.

So I received the Nal yesterday, ordered from AllDay Nov. 20, arrived Dec. 4, pretty good. Had to sign for delivery. So I took 25mg. after lunch and felt a little weird and disoriented. Was not expecting that, lasted several hours. Then today a took 25mg. after breakfast, did not make me fell ill or anything but I think that I may be a little spacey. The problem is that this feeling could be my own creation but I really do not think so, I think that I feel a little sleepy and foggy. But today is better than yesterday, I think. I plan to try several days in a row just taking the Nal after eating and not drinking alcohol just to see if my system tolerates the drug on its own without any added effects of alcohol.

Sailorbox, I think your reaction to the nal is pretty typical. At times, I had the same side effects. You are doing the right thing by taking Nal on its own to see how you handle it and not yet adding alcohol to the mix. I hope the experiment works out for you.

Gotthegene,

Thank you for the posting. Because I am sober I am not ready to rush into this experiment without preparing myself for what may happen, especially with the drug itself. The second days effects, today, seems lighter than the first. I am in no rush to add the alcohol to the test so I will just plod along.

SB, those were exactly my SEs, starting Nal (25 mg.) - slight spaciness & wierdness. And that was only the first few days. I was very lucky to not have ANY other SEs, except for some really great dreams.