Hi everyone, my name is Marianne and this is all very new to me but Saturday night I pretty much hit a bottom and woke up with slashed wrists and a very scared family so after much deep soul searching and research I've had a coming to Jesus moment and found this method.

A little about me, I'm turning 45 on the 17th of this month, started drinking in 8th grade and have been drinking daily for over 20 years. I've been through 2 rehabs, countless AA and nothing works for me. The longest I've been sobar (rehab) was 34 days and my liver enzymes are now elevated. My son is 22 and just moved out on his own after college - that was why I went ham on myself Saturday nite - I don't think it's a smart decision but I understand he needs to grow up.

I drink around 22 liters of vodka every single night and start around 11 on the weekends... that sounds horrible in writing! I don't remember the last time I went to bed but seem to be able to wake up every morning and get to work by 0730 - hummm..... when I do 'over-do' it, I really over-do it and feel like **** but that maybe happens once every few months or something.

I started a little trick a while back, I noticed that on the weekends if I force myself to throw up mid-day I can fit more alcohol/fun it - pretty gross.

Have ordered the nal on-line through the Canadian company but that's gona take up to 4 weeks to get here so I'm going to see an addiction doctor in hopes she'll prescribe - fingers crossed.

Once I get the drug I'll start my progress report but any support my way is happily received.

Welcome Marianne,

I'm only on my second week with Nal and and can tell you that it really had a profound impact on my alcohol consumption. Everyone is different and responds differently to Nal. But if you get the intense rush with alcohol and continue to drink to maintain that rush the Nal should put a big damper on that feeling (it did for me). Follow the rule Nal + 1hr before drinking and you will be on your way. For me alcohol without the rush is not pleasing and I'm slowly realizing that I don't want it if I can't enjoy the rush. I'm a far way from being "cured" but feel the Nal is moving me in the right direction.

I ordered from Canada also who orders from India. I got the Nal in 2 weeks.

If there are other issues you need to deal with (we usually have them) then the Nal gives you the interruption in alcohol consumption to start to address those other issues so you can really move to get yourself better.

Hang in there!!

Rich

Thank you Rich! I'm looking forward to getting it and hope that it's more like 2 weeks vice 4.

22 liters of vodka a night? Wow, that's 744 shots of vodka! I think that's a new record around here. Hee Hee. I assume you meant 22 shots or ounces -- which is still a massive amount of vodka, putting you on a very fast train that's going to crash and throw you into the hospital very shortly if you don't stop that train. If you really do drink 22 shots a night, you have a seriously high tolerance for alcohol. I'm a grown man and would be vomiting and passed out by 12 or so.

Either way, I'd say do what it takes to get some Naltrexone fast because at your age and with your drinking history, you are truly committing a slow suicide. e-mail me at barrybrockelman@yahoo.com and we can talk offline. Mention here that you e-mailed me if you so choose, because I rarely check that e-mail.

(It sounds like you live in the U.S., probably the south like me, since you mention a "coming to Jesus moment." Is that right? For non-Southerners, that quaint phrase usually means a "reckoning" about something or with someone, as in, "I got tired of her crap, so we had a coming to Jesus moment," or "She's getting on my nerves, we're going to have to have a come to Jesus talk.").

Hi Marianne,

I'm so glad you're here. All of us on this site have been through some horrible times due to our addiction and we have all found this method out of desperation. There are many success stories here of real people who have tried everything else and failed. We all feel your pain and want you to succeed. Many of us are loners and this forum is our source of strength. I am only in my second week of TSM but am hopeful for the first time in a very long time. Please keep us posted as to your progress and let us know if you have any questions/comments.

BTW, if you have side effects from the Naltrexone, hang in there. Mine were awful, but after a week of misery they have subsided. We are on you side and rooting for you

Cindy

Hi Marianne,

I just wanted to say hello and welcome. I too am glad that you have found this method and I hope that it will work well for you. There's a huge variety in drinking levels on here from the moderate to the severe and a mix of daily and binge drinkers. Many people seem to have success with it.

If you can get it prescribed by an addiction doctor (pehapes together with some counselling?) I would imagine that would be a good solution as you'd have some support along the way. If not, many of us on here are doing it alone and doing pretty well.

I wish you all the best. Let us know how you get on.

Ruth.

oopsie - I meant ounces mixed with selter water - thank you soda stream.

Thank you everyone for the responses! I've never reached out to perfect strangers really and am feeling as though I'm walking into a black cloud sort of.

Yes, I live in the US - Maryland to be exact so finding a doctor that actually knows about this medicine and is comfortable prescribing it is tough. I've reached out to an addiction psychologist (yesterday) and am waiting to hear back. The problem is my liver enzymes are elevated so I'm not sure any doctor will let me take a medication but I'm trying not to go there - yet.

Something new to me is that I now think the drinking is affecting my eyes somehow - just a little but it's there - anyone else have that problem? I sound like a hot mess but if you saw me in person you would never know this little secret! I have a great job that I've been with for 25 years, dress the part, wonderful family, kids just outa college with no loans, etc etc but I never knew my habit would hurt me - or at least never wanted to think about the future that way.

Anyway, thanks again for the support, I'll keep posting and taking it all in....

Marianne

Hi Marianne and welcome. Sorry to hear that you think your eyes may be effected by your drinking. There is so much going on in our bodies as we approach middle age, and older age, that it's hard to separate out what's what. And as for your liver, if you are able to cut back on the drinking you may find your poor old liver will heal itself to a great extent. But that does mean cutting back - and that does mean a lot of hard work on your part - but you know that already.....

Naltrexone will be a great help to you, Marianne, as it has been to so many of us here. And it sure sounds like you are ready! So welcome and keep us posted. We're all ready and willing to help in any way we can. Even if it's just sharing our stories with you so you can see you are not alone.
Babs.

Babs, thank you for your support! I know I can't do this alone - been there, failed misserably. When I was 34 days sober I was so very depressed and painfully sad, I think AA fed that somehow, I am looking forward to beginning this journey but I'm scared too and am blessed to have found all of you.

Things I'm afraid of: saddness, anger, sleep, what to do with my drinking time (big one) - those are my top 4 concerns...

thanks again for everyones support.

Marianne,

I had the exact same experience when I tried to quit cold turkey. I was white knuckling it for 30 days and was so depressed and miserable that I fell into a deep, dark depression and tried to commit suicide. I just didn't see how anything was EVER going to get better. And AA was just awful....I would burst out crying every time I tried to talk. So humiliating.

I am afraid of sadness and depression as well, but am trying to dig deep and find reasons that I want to live. My kids have been a real source of strength for me because I want them to have a sane, sober Mom.

I have found that exercise, meditation, and prayer help my anger issues. And the exercise also helps with sleep. You might try melatonin and Benadryl as over-the -counter sleep aids. If those don't work, Trazedone, has worked miracles for me. It is an extremely safe, non-addictive sleep aid, but you do need a prescription for it.

What to do with one's drinking time. Now that IS a biggie. I've decided to try and start straightening and cleaning my messy, alcoholic house. One room at a time. I also have tons of boxes to go through (stuff I've been dragging around for years). However, I realize that I need to incorporate some fun into the mix as well. I think that is very important for recovery. I've been a drunk my whole adult life so have never really developed any hobbies. I'm going to start trying different things and see what clicks.

I hope some of these suggestions at least give you a starting point. It is a long journey and we each have to do some soul searching and find out what's best for us.

Keep posting and let us know how you're coming along.

Cindy